Post Apocalyptic Thanksgiving Poem

Have you ever had one of those horrific holiday family gatherings?  If you haven’t, then consider yourself lucky.  If you have . . .  let me refresh your memory. 

The dishes are cleared, desserts are devoured
it’s time to relax and watch football for hours
A half eaten bird sits cold on the table
Uncle Bob is so drunk he passed out in the stable

The horses are wearing Uncle Jack’s hat and tie
And the cat is licking Aunt Jan’s pumpkin pie
Cousin Jesse is hollering, “I gotta fart!”
Virginia’s gone shopping at the local Kmart

Still bloated after a much needed nap
I thought about all of the stuff I would crap
Corn medley, sage stuffing and cranberry delight
a dash to the bathroom in the middle of the night

With all this in mind was it worth all the fuss
to spend a Thanksgiving with Aunt Tonya and Gus
just the thought of me doing it again next year
made me reach in the cooler for a semi cold beer

So here’s to another Thanksgiving gone by
note, never again eat Bob’s cranberry fig pie
Be thankful you still have your health and good will
and next year remember the gas relief pills

“And where the hell is the freakin’ PHONE!”