I went into 7-11 to buy a lottery ticket because I am convinced I am destined to win the Powerball jackpot. I know that most people think playing the lottery is a waste of money, but I look at the people who have won this year and I think that if they picked the right numbers, so can I. I am so convinced of my future wealth that I have a bulletin board in my kitchen displaying the picture of my dream house on Lake Como in Italy that I intend to buy with those winnings.
Italy beckoned to me as it did to every woman who saw the movie, Under the Tuscan Sun. After that film’s release, it was suddenly in vogue to buy a fixer upper in Tuscanny. But while my girlfriends and gay men friends soon abandoned their Italian quest– for land anyway– I stuck with it.
Believe it or not, I have a real estate agent who is ready to pounce on a property when I give her the word. I won’t be going for the fixer upper though. With my hundreds of millions from the lottery, I can buy a real villa complete with staff and George Clooney as my neighbor. Yes, he has a house on Lake Como and I plan on moving next door to him. I don’t want to marry him, but I would appreciate one or two rolls in the hay. I think that is the least he can do for all the money I have spent to see his movies. I have also purchased the Rosetta Stone Italian language course so I am ready to converse with the locals when I make my move overseas.
When I get to Lake Como, I think I shall buy a boat. Nothing too large, but it should be yacht-like. If the George Clooney thing doesn’t work out, I will have to attract other men to my villa, and I have my eyes set on royalty. One cannot attract men from the best royal families in Europe with a row boat. No, it has to be a classic boat that screams, “Look at me Prince, I am available and ready to give you heirs.”
If for any reason the Lake Como thing does not work out, I was thinking Vegas. I know this plan sounds so North Pole-South Pole from Lake Como, but I do have reasons. The primary one is that it is a city that understands Lottery millions. I think it might be a fun place to squander my fortune away. Nothing goes better with gambling winnings than gambling losses.
All these thoughts and plans ran through my brain when I bought that lottery ticket from the 7-11, and you will be happy to know that I won – $7. Whille it’s not enough to buy a hinge on my window in my Lake Como home, it is enough to buy seven more lottery tickets which will no doubt renew my George Clooney dreams. And now I must go; it’s time for my Italian lessons!