Pros and Cons of Surviving 2011 | HumorOutcasts

Pros and Cons of Surviving 2011

December 28, 2011
By

Whenever I approach a new year, I like to take stock of what I survived. I like to think of myself less as a time traveler stuck in forward linear motion at an uninterruptible rate and more of a time warrior, cleaning out the runners of my time sword as I prepare to skewer another year.

So, here’s an entirely subjective list of what went right and wrong in 2011 before greeting Bolon Yokte as an old friend at midnight, Jan. 1.

Democracy

The world will never know his ladies-sunglass-wearing, Just-for-Men hair-having like again.

Pro: Overall, 2011 was a bad year for dictators. The world will no longer be troubled by the following dickholes:

  • Tunisian President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali
  • Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak
  • Colonel Muammar Gaddafi
  • Kim Jong-il
  • Osama bin Laden

Con: The world will now have to live with the liberal Tea Party — Occupy Wall Street — no thanks to TIME magazine.

Celebrity Nudity

Last year, the big thing was flashing vag while exiting cars. This year, it was hacking cell phones, whether you’re a member of NewsCorp or just some guy who can’t stop himself.

Pro: We finally got to see Scarlett Johansson’s butt before Marvel featured it in all of their Avengers movie posters.

And what a fancy bathroom she has.

Oh, and her boobs.

Con: Some photographer convinced Lindsay Lohan she’s Marilyn Monroe, which meant yet another shoot where they put a blonde wig on her and photoshopped out her freckles.

Sports

Pro: The NBA and NFL were each able to overcome lockouts, so we don’t have to worry about players and owners each making ungodly amounts of money.

Con: Tim Tebow somehow made thanking God on a field of play even more obnoxious.

Movies

"Why *ARE* there so many songs about rainbows?"

Pro: The Muppets came back … not counting the times they came back for A Muppet Christmas Carol, Muppet Treasure Island and Muppets from Space. That’s not the real pro here, though. The real pro is that their comeback spurred righteous indignation from Fox Business News, proving the movie’s point about moneyed people trying to destroy the Muppets.

Con: The Transformers will return yet again.

Pro: But, The Hobbit will, too.

Con: The Hobbit contains potassium benzoate.

All in all, it’s a mixed bag with the Thes.

Rick Snee

Rick Snee writes daily for SeriouslyGuys.com, podcasts with the Blast Shields Down Film Review Society, and makes up for his lack of punctuality with a willingness to go ATM.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Share this Post:

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Response to Pros and Cons of Surviving 2011

  1. December 28, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    This was a great recap of the year! It is funny how Tebow made Jesus even more prominent in the end zone. I bet Jesus is sort of pissed off



User Login

Help Keep HumorOutcasts Going!

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle


New Release
Maybe Kevin
By Brian Kiley and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle



New Release
Daddy duJour
By Barbara Hammond and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle



Archives