Rant is the New Rage: Cell Phone Etiquette in Public Places | HumorOutcasts

Rant is the New Rage: Cell Phone Etiquette in Public Places

May 21, 2011
“I didn’t know Tiffany had herpes!  She must be so embarrassed!”  No, you should be embarrassed for letting the entire bus know that your best friend has a social disease.  I bet she’s thrilled that an entire bus of stranger knows she’s been whoring around with some douche bag low life on the side.

Since the invention of the cellular phone I’ve overheard my fair share of TMI conversations from people who obviously don’t understand the meaning of privacy or discretion.  Case in point, a friend of mine was taken to the ER for a non-life threatening problem.   I knew he had raging hemorrhoids, but I’m sure he didn’t want the entire emergency waiting room to know about them.  I quietly asked if there was anything I could do, but all he could whisper was, “Jesus Christ, my ‘roids are killing me, what’s taking them so freaking long!”  He continued to squirm in his chair trying not to scream.  His suffering was too painful for me to watch so I thought I’d move to another chair and played Angry Birds to pass the time.  Before I could get started a woman carrying a chicken platter with rice and biscuits plopped down in the chair next to me and preceded to eat while chatting on her cell phone at the top of her lungs.

“Look, I’ve never had a damn loan with your bank and I don’t know what you’re talking about!   What?

Who are you?  I don’t understand you!

You need to speak English!  What?  I can’t understand what you’re talking about?  I said I don’t have a loan!

What?  I ain’t given you my social security number!  You must be on crack!

I don’t know your bank and I don’t know you, son of a bitch “

I couldn’t take it anymore.  I turned to her and said, “Why don’t you just hang up!”  She looked me straight in the eye and said, “That would be rude!”

I thought, “Rude, did you say rude?  No, rude would be me shoving this phone up your ass so you can talk to a real asshole!”  Hell, I figured if I was going to be in a fight with this woman what better place than in the hospital emergency room.  I could have my cuts and bruises treated on the spot.

Rant Wrap-Up: If you find it necessary to talk to your friends in public places make certain you keep your conversation decibel level within the city limits.  I don’t want to listen to you!  It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for your father’s bladder leakage problem, your second cousin’s third nipple or your spreading vaginal warts.   I just prefer the conversation be kept on the hush-hush, down low.   Unless of course you would like me to write and rant about it!  So remember Mister I’ve got to tell the world I just banged your twin sister, please for the sake of my nightly teeth grinding keep this information to yourself until you are in the privacy of your own home or a hospital emergency room.  Rant over!

Photo courtesy of:  http://blog.jammer-store.com/tag/cell-phone-jammers

Deb Martin-Webster

After a successful career in Art Administration, at Temple University/Tyler School of Art, Deb has taken on a new challenging career as an aspiring writer. Author of short story A Hot Dog Stand in the Himalayas Deb has written her first novel published by HumorOutcasts Press titled, Love, Montana. A quick read crossing the genres of contemporary western romance and travel adventure with lots of witty humor thrown in the mix. Also check out Deb's popular HO series Friday Humor Devotional. It's prayer with an attitude.

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12 Responses to Rant is the New Rage: Cell Phone Etiquette in Public Places

  1. Fran Brockmyre
    May 23, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    I’ve heard of a device that can be used to break up cell phone conversations.

    • Deb Martin-Webster
      May 23, 2011 at 4:13 pm

      Yeah I call it a sledge hammer!

  2. Rita Oakleaf
    May 23, 2011 at 11:04 am

    So true. I’m pretty sure I overheard a loud drug deal taking place over the phone while I was waiting for a new tire this weekend. Then another woman was on the phone laughing hysterically every two seconds. It took all the strength I had not to glare at them or start laughing at how ridiculous they were.

    • Deb Martin-Webster
      May 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm

      Auto shops are notorious for drug deals along with your tire rotation service and I’m sure the hysterical laughing ladies where on the other end of the auto/drug conversation! (tougue in cheek) 🙂

  3. lbwoodgate
    May 22, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Next time, get their attention and motion to them that they need to speak up. Tell them “Everyone in back of the store/hospital/library can’t hear you”.

    • Deb Martin-Webster
      May 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

      I’ll try that LB and afterwards can I slug them?!!

  4. May 21, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    Some people just have no manners. I’ve heard my share of unnecessary conversations too. It’s one thing to use a phone in public, but when you talk so loud that the next county can hear you, then you deserve to be put in your place.

    • Deb Martin-Webster
      May 21, 2011 at 10:42 pm

      Russia could hear this woman from her kitchen window – a la Sarah Palin!

  5. Jack Sass
    May 21, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    You need to apologize me making me laugh so hard my sides hurt. “That would be rude.” Seriously? I think the meaning of the word eludes her.

    • Deb Martin-Webster
      May 21, 2011 at 10:38 pm

      Sorry I made you laugh so hard. But this woman made my ears bleed!! LOL

  6. May 21, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    That would be rude? LOL People are just amazing. They never fail to entertain me. Great write Deb!

    • Deb Martin-Webster
      May 21, 2011 at 10:37 pm

      Donna I was ready to slap this women! We had to listen to her for an hour in the ER. She could at least have offered us some chicken!! LOL

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