Since the invention of the cellular phone I’ve overheard my fair share of TMI conversations from people who obviously don’t understand the meaning of privacy or discretion. Case in point, a friend of mine was taken to the ER for a non-life threatening problem. I knew he had raging hemorrhoids, but I’m sure he didn’t want the entire emergency waiting room to know about them. I quietly asked if there was anything I could do, but all he could whisper was, “Jesus Christ, my ‘roids are killing me, what’s taking them so freaking long!” He continued to squirm in his chair trying not to scream. His suffering was too painful for me to watch so I thought I’d move to another chair and played Angry Birds to pass the time. Before I could get started a woman carrying a chicken platter with rice and biscuits plopped down in the chair next to me and preceded to eat while chatting on her cell phone at the top of her lungs.
“Look, I’ve never had a damn loan with your bank and I don’t know what you’re talking about! What?
Who are you? I don’t understand you!
You need to speak English! What? I can’t understand what you’re talking about? I said I don’t have a loan!
What? I ain’t given you my social security number! You must be on crack!
I don’t know your bank and I don’t know you, son of a bitch “
I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned to her and said, “Why don’t you just hang up!” She looked me straight in the eye and said, “That would be rude!”
I thought, “Rude, did you say rude? No, rude would be me shoving this phone up your ass so you can talk to a real asshole!” Hell, I figured if I was going to be in a fight with this woman what better place than in the hospital emergency room. I could have my cuts and bruises treated on the spot.
Rant Wrap-Up: If you find it necessary to talk to your friends in public places make certain you keep your conversation decibel level within the city limits. I don’t want to listen to you! It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for your father’s bladder leakage problem, your second cousin’s third nipple or your spreading vaginal warts. I just prefer the conversation be kept on the hush-hush, down low. Unless of course you would like me to write and rant about it! So remember Mister I’ve got to tell the world I just banged your twin sister, please for the sake of my nightly teeth grinding keep this information to yourself until you are in the privacy of your own home or a hospital emergency room. Rant over!
Photo courtesy of: http://blog.jammer-store.com/tag/cell-phone-jammers