Texting – it is the plague of the twenty first century; a virus that debilitates language. It has infected our society so much that we are losing our ability to write without using at least a half dozen acronyms or word abbreviations. Okay, I must admit I do text on occasion; however, I’m an old school texter. I stick with the tried and true standbys like OMG, TTYL and LOL.
Nevertheless, I’m seeing more and more old folks jumping or should I say creeping their way onto the Text Obsessed Generation bandwagon. I call them, OLD TOGGERS.
There’s nothing more entertaining than watching a parent or grandparent attempting to text their children or grandchildren, “HI RUOK HIT ME BAK TTYL MOFO!” Geeez, grandma’ do you even know what that means! What next – your elderly aunt Mary downloading apps for 50cent while grandpa rocks it out old school on his 4G iPhone to Lady GaGa! I do not wish to observe my parents or grandparents performing any of the above activities. The other involves my uncle Phil going crotch-first down a kiddie pool water slide in his spandex thong . . . but I digress.
Some adults think it is a lot cooler to speak in text spouting, “OMG, TTYL or LOL.” Texting may be a fast way to communicate but let’s not use it a substitute for calling an old friend just to say hello, or a hand written note to ask how you’re feeling. There is a certain human sanctity about face-to-face socialization The expression in someone’s eyes when telling them congratulations or I’m sorry to hear about your loss. A handshake extended to a stranger as you meet for the first time. These qualities are what make us human.
Every generation had their trends that drive us crazy and texting is just one of them. I remember being reprimanded for having a transistor radio ear piece in my ear at the dinner table. I think there ought to be an app for humanity. Download it and you are instantly linked back to reality. It disables all the other apps around you. Don’t worry it won’t disable the Pizza Hut app. You may need that one later on.
With all that being said Socializing – 101 is ready to begin. Let’s get started:
1. Find the off button on your cell phone, use index finger hold down for 3 seconds this will turn it off.
2. Immediately place phone in pocket, purse, backpack, etc.
3. Turn to the bewildered person next to you, yes the one trying to find the off button, help them.
4. Now ask bewildered person their name, and then tell them your name.
5. Look at their face, watch their lips move, this movement is called “Talking.”
6. If they answer back this is considered, “A Conversation.”
7. If you notice other bewildered people near you include them in the conversation.
8. This is called, “Socializing.”
9. Ask bewildered people if they are hungry. Borrow a diehard texter’s cell phone and order a pizza. While you’re at it, make a couple of long distance calls to Guam and China. Services him right for not turning off his mofo cell phone!
10. Now you have what’s called a “Party.” Continue this course of action at least twice a week.
Rant Wrap Up: Before everything became so technologically advanced we had landline phones and you had to stay in one place to talk. So sit down and take a minute to call a friend – even if you don’t give flaming rat’s ass about how they are or how they’re feeling. It’s just the civilized and social thing to do and . . . hold on – I’ve got a call . . . Rant over.
“Yeah hello . . . uncle Phil . . . NO I don’t have your purple spandex thong, ya’ freak!”
Rant is SO over!