Reality Show Dreams Snuffed Out | HumorOutcasts

Reality Show Dreams Snuffed Out

June 10, 2011


Well, it looks as if my Reality TV dreams have gone up in smoke.   The Hollywood Producer that contacted me to star in a Reality TV Show, called me last night to work out some of the details. The producer quickly agreed to all my requests; however, I swear I heard a chuckle out of him when I asked for my endless supply of fresh Odor Eaters.   Then he threw a cash figure at me, I’m not going to say how much he offered, but I could have bought my own trailer park with the first check alone..

Next, the producer asked me to give him my bank account numbers so that he could set up a direct deposit for my payments.    Of course, me being still excited over the huge salary and my new Odor Eaters, I willingly gave him all my banking information. Then, he said that he’d be sending out a camera crew next week and we could get rolling.

“WoooooooooooHooooooooooo!”  I screamed as I jumped around the trailer.

Thinking that I wanted to make a good impression on my camera crew when they got here, I ran over to Mrs. Pritts’s trailer (the Madam of the Bottoms Up Club)   and inquired about some coupons.    I thought that an evening of booze and wild women would be a great way to bond with my new camera crew.

Mrs. Pritts laughed at me when I told her that I was going to be on TV and there would be a camera crew following me around the trailer park.   She then quickly “gave” me a dozen free admission coupons.  She said that I could have the coupons for free as long as I agreed to mention her club on TV.

That’s when it hit me: My perks of being a celebrity could outweigh my perks of being a Mayor many times over, and there was a possibility that  I could possibly have women flocking over me once my show gets up and running.   Hell, there might even be a Tom Lund Fan Club!

Later that afternoon, I went down at the local bar, all of the guys were buying me drinks as I was bragging about my new career in spotlights.  Then my cell phone rang, it was a girl from down at the bank, she informed me that my whole life’s savings of $238.63 was withdrawn via  an electronic bank transfer. When I asked her where it went, she said to some production company in Hollywood.

The guys in the bar told me that I sat there on my phone speechless and in a daze for about 10 minutes until the bartender hit me in the face with a shot of soda water.  They wanted to know what the problem was. Not wanting to show my stupidity, I said that that was one of  my ex-wive’s lawyers on the phone and the bloodsucker already heard about my new fame and wanted me to hand over more money already.

Later that evening, I was sitting at home thinking about how stupid it was for me to give anyone my banking info when a bigger problem popped into my mind.  I had already used half of Mrs. Pritts’s coupons, and how was I going to explain that?   And I had heard that she’s the kind of a madam that has people’s legs broken.   She is certainly someone I don’t want to cross.  Maybe I could tell her that my show is currently only being shown in Bolivia. Hell’s she’s like 80 years old — she might buy that.

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One Response to Reality Show Dreams Snuffed Out

  1. Jack Sass
    June 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    That’s rough man. Thank God it’ll never happen to me, my wife keep the bank account drained! 😉

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