Most of you know that I live in a RFD area. For those who don’t know what RFD means it’s an abbreviation for Rural Free Delivery but I prefer Rural Farm District. It’s a big deal for us to head into town for groceries, clothes, office supplies; however, the majority of our trips involve the purchase of rural paraphernalia. What is rural paraphernalia you might ask? Well, its stuff that city people would never, ever put on their shopping list with a big priority star beside it.
For example – I highly doubt that you’ve ever reminded your husband or wife to pick up mole traps, double-sided fly strips or a half dozen fly swatters. In the country, flies are a pain in the ass! They are everywhere! So much so our swatters wear out to the point we need to replace them.
The other day we noticed a swarm of flies camped out on our front porch screen door. It was like a scene from Amityville Horror! The screen was lousy with flies! This was not your average fly congregation . . . it was a rural revolution, a barnyard blitz! I got the Raid and gave them a good dose of spray. They left for a few minutes then returned, more than before. The battle line had been drawn. My husband got his fly swatter – yes, we each have our own. Mine is red his is yellow; the blue ones are for guests. Hey, just because we are hicks doesn’t mean we can’t be stylish.
He went out the back door, walked around to the front porch. It was the element of surprise that killed the first horde. He was outside for 30 minutes. Dinner was ready and I’d forgotten he was outside. He came in with his swatter slung over his shoulder like a man returning from combat. He grabbed my hand and walked me to the porch. I was greeted by a pile of dead flies! His conquest, his spoils of war clumped on my front porch. To say he was proud of his accomplishment is an understatement. He even insisted I take this photo of him with his trusty swatter, which he affectionately calls, The Smashinator.
Needless to say guys, whether they live in the country or the city, are very easily amused. I guarantee if you give them a tool they can swat, screw, drill or pummel with, rest assured you will have 30 minutes all to yourself. And, you’ll have enough time to write ridiculous rural stories like this.