Saved by the Bell

We all know the phrase, “Saved by the Bell”. Okay, while most of us might equate that phrase to Zack, Screech and the rest of the Bayside High School TV cast, there is another meaning for these words, and this meaning is a bit more macabre. But being that it is the month where ghouls, goblins and ghosts rule, I will give this macabre topic a go.

“Saved by the Bell” refers to the burial practice of putting a rope inside a casket. The rope is attached to a bell outside the casket. Corpses, who were not really corpses, would pull the rope upon wakening which would sound the bell to alert rescuers to come and dig them up. Thus the term – “Saved by the Bell”.

I don’t mean to point fingers at my family who can barely remember my birthday, but I could see me meeting this fate with the exception that there would be no rope. Yes, I could see my daughter saying to my husband,

“Did you remember to put the rope in the casket?”

“Oh no, I thought you were going to do that.”

“Oops, she is going to be mad.”

“Yea, well hopefully, she’ll have a few years on her own to get over that.”

Do you know what is scarier?  I have opted to be cremated. They will never take the time to double check before that is done. Anyway, it’s hard to comprehend how burying people alive can happen, and to be honest, in today’s technological world, it is more difficult, but a death diagnosis used to be a tricky thing even as recent as 75 years ago. There are stories of people not only being buried alive, but people waking up during the embalming process too.  Back in the early 1900s, one British researcher estimated that the not-quite-dead numbered in the hundreds over a relatively short time period.

And this number did not include zombies.  Yes — zombies who are alive and well even today and who are put into the zombie state and buried and unburied purposely by some pretty mean people who like to have zombies as slaves.  Apparently, making a zombie is not that hard. If you mix poison from a puffer fish and add some LSD-type hallucinogenic, you can make your own zombie. Perhaps it would be prudent here to give the “Do not try this at home” warning as the process can be dangerous. However, it cannot be that complicated because Haiti had to make a law banning their citizens from creating zombies. Yes, they needed a law.

Fortunately, the advancement of medicine has sort of done away with most of the premature burial stuff except for the zombie problem. However, doctors now have all kinds of tests to determine who is dead and who is faking it, so we don’t hear stories that often about people getting buried before their time unless it’s in some horror flick. But there are some people who still think that premature burial is an issue.

In rural eastern Turkey, where modern medicine and science rarely find a home, officials have invested in technology as a way to dispel the fear of those who still believe they could be buried alive.  This isolated region now has a new morgue, which is decked out with modern gadgets, all designed to assist those who have been declared dead by mistake.  The morgue is equipped with alarms and electronic motion detectors which let the staff know if any of the dead people move.

The morgue has also secured 36 refrigerators, all with interior handles, so that the newly dead person can push on the handles and let themselves out of the cooler once they realize where they are. Are people this calm when they realize they are buried alive or trapped in a morgue freezer? If that were me, I would waste all my oxygen screaming, yelling and cursing before realizing that if I pull the rope or the push the handles, I could get out. Do they put written instructions in with the “Dead” people? How are they to know what to do?

The operators of the new morgue admit resurrections are rare, but they feel the money spent to prevent these near-death experiences is well worth it. What is nice about the new morgue is that it also has a lounge, café and digital information panels so relatives of the presumed-deceased can mull around, enjoy a cup of coffee and watch as their loved ones are prepared for burial.  I never considered watching dead people getting washed and dressed for burial a social event, but I guess if there is good coffee, it might be worth a peek. Add Danish or muffins, and it could be an okay social event, and pancakes could make it party.

So, now that you know burying people alive is a possibility, pay attention to ringing bells. Sure, it could be just the door bell or the dinner bell or even Taco Bell calling, but maybe it’s your old Aunt Harriet telling you to come and dig her out. I bet there is good reward money in that.