Shocker! Orgasms Relieve Restless Leg Syndrome | HumorOutcasts

Shocker! Orgasms Relieve Restless Leg Syndrome

April 26, 2011





I know this sounds too fantastic to be true but you now have a legitimate excuse for masturbating when your mom or spouse walks in on you while you’re doing it.  Here’s a likely scenario of that exchange.

“Oh!  Herbert.  What in God’s name is going on?!?”

“It’s okay Mom.  It’s therapy for a neurologic disorder I have.”

“Thank God child.  Being without insurance makes it impossible for us to obtain the necessary drugs that cure this condition.   God in his wisdom has created us with built in cures for such infirmities and I think we should get down on our knees …”

“Yeah, yeah. mom.  Not now though.  Would you please close the door before I .. ohhhh, ohhhh … oooooooooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.          Never mind”


You may laugh but what you’ve just witnessed was the “biggest natural blasts of dopamine available to us” eliminating the pain and discomfort associated with Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS).  In the Journal Sleepmedicine some geniuses discovered that the exhilarating effects of sexual intercourse and masturbation can take your mind off of a nervous twitch in your legs.

The increased dopamine that occurs at heightened sexual stimulation acts  similar to prescription drugs that offer relief for the symptoms of RLS.  “When Gert Holstege at the University of Groningen, the Netherlands, and colleagues scanned the brains of ejaculating men, he said the resulting images resembled scans of heroin rushes.”  SOURCE

These images however were blurred by the other images of naked women doing unspeakable things that were dancing around in the brains of the volunteer masturbators.  The really good news – just one orgasm and your done for the night.  No need to keep that lotion and SLUT magazine by your bedside, constantly exposed to anyone who may walk into your room uninvited.  Especially mom.


Watch Stephen Colbert hawk his Prescott Pharmaceutical Corp. device that allows you to “go about your business (treating your RLS) so no one will know you are going about your business”.  Run the timer up to 13:26 to skip past the other segments in his show



"How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it."

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21 Responses to Shocker! Orgasms Relieve Restless Leg Syndrome

  1. Mary Oberg
    May 29, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    My husband Mike told me to read this one! And to think we missed this one on the Stephen Colbert show! So funny!

  2. jack_sass
    May 12, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Oh sure, your article says is ok and even helpful to do the deed. But I’ve been told if I kept it up, I’d go blind. So far I have mild astigmatism; I’m planning on quitting when I get to coke bottle bottoms for lenses.

  3. May 11, 2011 at 9:46 am

    LOL! I died laughing just from the photo! My better half assures me that sex cures everything!

  4. Deb Martin-Webster
    April 28, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    My legs have never been more restful!

    • lbwoodgate
      April 28, 2011 at 2:31 pm

      It sure beats taking a pill and then waiting for relief doesn’t it? 🙂

  5. April 28, 2011 at 11:43 am

    I want to beat LB in the most commented category. Maybe I need to mention orgasms more often. Damn, now that’s one more comment I’ll need to take the lead!

    • lbwoodgate
      April 28, 2011 at 2:15 pm

      Heh, heh. Sex sells buddy. You might want to try the word masturbation. Google shows nearly 50,000,000 more sites for it than orgasm. But neither one are the Beatles when it comes to Jesus who gets 345,000,000

  6. StephanieQ
    April 27, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    I have to admit that I knew this trick a long time ago. This is why I am single, happy with no signs of restless legs. Okay, mostly, I am kidding. Sort of.

    • lbwoodgate
      April 27, 2011 at 7:21 pm

      Somehow I think we all knew it enhanced our lives in more ways than one. We just get to add a new one to the list.

  7. Theresa Wiza
    April 27, 2011 at 10:41 am

    I’ll bet the drug companies are trying to come up with a $500 pill to guarantee relief from RLS with side effects that include giving everybody spontaneous orgasms.

    • lbwoodgate
      April 27, 2011 at 1:17 pm

      It’s probably already available and stored in their vaults waiting for the influence of the religious right to fade away. Like that’s going to happen in anyone’s lifetime.

  8. Fran Brockmyre
    April 27, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Where was this info when I was a teenager, like Donna, I was sure I was headed for hell.

    • lbwoodgate
      April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am

      If this is all it takes to get to hell then we’re all in trouble. 🙂

  9. April 27, 2011 at 6:22 am

    MEN!!! The comments are almost as good as the post! So funny, Larry and the picture is well – I think the guy is masturbating. Where do you get photos for that? Who volunteers to take them or be the subject of them? So many questions. The catholic school girl in me wants to say, “You are all going to hell.” But truly, you won’t be going with restless legs.

    • lbwoodgate
      April 27, 2011 at 7:20 am

      “The catholic school girl in me wants to say, ‘You are all going to hell.’ But truly, you won’t be going with restless legs.”

      Having legs at all would be the least of our worries if there were a hell. 🙂

      The pictures I come across are a matter of typing in the right words on google images. For this one I typed in “faces of ecstasy” and boom, there it was on the top row.

      • April 27, 2011 at 9:07 am

        I am just impressed that google had a response to faces of ecstasy query. This was so funny. I hope thousands read it. LOL

  10. April 27, 2011 at 1:15 am

    Im typping ths wittth my lefd hannd. Butt my leggs nott shakin no moorre.

    • lbwoodgate
      April 27, 2011 at 7:20 am

      If you didn’t click on the link to Stephen Colbert’s bit on this I highly recommend it Frank

    • April 28, 2011 at 10:36 am


  11. April 26, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Finally a cure that makes it worth getting the disease!

    • lbwoodgate
      April 27, 2011 at 7:25 am

      or not. 😉

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