I know this sounds too fantastic to be true but you now have a legitimate excuse for masturbating when your mom or spouse walks in on you while you’re doing it. Here’s a likely scenario of that exchange.
“Oh! Herbert. What in God’s name is going on?!?”
“It’s okay Mom. It’s therapy for a neurologic disorder I have.”
“Thank God child. Being without insurance makes it impossible for us to obtain the necessary drugs that cure this condition. God in his wisdom has created us with built in cures for such infirmities and I think we should get down on our knees …”
“Yeah, yeah. mom. Not now though. Would you please close the door before I .. ohhhh, ohhhh … oooooooooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. Never mind”
You may laugh but what you’ve just witnessed was the “biggest natural blasts of dopamine available to us” eliminating the pain and discomfort associated with Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). In the Journal Sleepmedicine some geniuses discovered that the exhilarating effects of sexual intercourse and masturbation can take your mind off of a nervous twitch in your legs.
The increased dopamine that occurs at heightened sexual stimulation acts similar to prescription drugs that offer relief for the symptoms of RLS. “When Gert Holstege at the University of Groningen, the Netherlands, and colleagues scanned the brains of ejaculating men, he said the resulting images resembled scans of heroin rushes.” SOURCE
These images however were blurred by the other images of naked women doing unspeakable things that were dancing around in the brains of the volunteer masturbators. The really good news – just one orgasm and your done for the night. No need to keep that lotion and SLUT magazine by your bedside, constantly exposed to anyone who may walk into your room uninvited. Especially mom.
Watch Stephen Colbert hawk his Prescott Pharmaceutical Corp. device that allows you to “go about your business (treating your RLS) so no one will know you are going about your business”. Run the timer up to 13:26 to skip past the other segments in his show