Shocking revelations were revealed about Melvin Dinkledorf, representative of his state’s 8th district. New reports by over 12 different sources have shown that although he has been married for 36 years, he has not ever had an affair with a staffer, a friend’s wife, or even with a bisexual prostitute. He has not had sex in any public bathrooms or even any public libraries. Yes, shocking, but considering the many and varied sources, it appears to be true… and to this reporter… completely lame. Move along boys, nothing to see here.
Though there was that time back in 1986 where a woman wearing a really low cut dress walked by him and he did, in fact, sneak a peek.