One of the most important decisions you can make in your life besides “should you buy or lease?” is “should you join a cult?” Some important things to consider…
Reason NOT to join a cult: You could be brainwashed.
Reason to join a cult: Might have had a dirty mind to begin with.
Reason to join a cult: Comfortable cult-issued footwear.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Possible suicide pact.
Reason to join a cult: Bottomless punch bowl / open bar.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Limited beverage variety might become monotonous.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Might become involved in criminal misdeeds.
Reason to join a cult: Might become the subject of a popular band’s music or may boost sales of your artwork.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Might require mass suicide.
Reason to join a cult: Won’t require mass attendance.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Might attract unwanted attention from the ATF.
Reason to join a cult: More likely to get air time with the President or Attorney General, possibly a book deal.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Access to outside information may be cut off.
Reason to join a cult: It might keep you the fuck off of Facebook.
Reason NOT to join a cult: The leader will have sex with your wife or girlfriend.
Reason to join a cult: The leader spending time with your wife or girlfriend frees you up for watching more football.
Reason NOT to join a cult: You are forced to give up your money and possessions to share with the community.
Reason to join a cult: If you are broke as hell, you might come out ahead.
Reason to join a cult: Boost your social life, become a part of something larger.
Reason NOT to join a cult: There are plenty of more popular and established cults that you can join. They’re called “religions”.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Might result in financial ruin.
Reason to join a cult: Might get your favorite actor’s autograph.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Bigoted outsiders will accuse you of drunken sex orgies.
Reason to join a cult: Drunken sex orgies.
Reason not to join a cult: They may have crazy ideas about a “savior” coming to destroy the world.
Reason NOT to join a cult: Fuck it, I guess you can’t win here.
Forget joining a cult, let’s form a cult. Looks like you’re ready to be the figurehead anyway. Who could resist a potato head with bacon lips?
Not one person could. It has a hypnotizing effect and..well…send all of your money to me, ok?
So many cult rules I knew nothing about. I have to go and re-examine my life now. I might just be cult material. Who knew?
This was great Eric.
I was sitting on the fence about this but you have helped me to see the light. Not that I am getting off the fence to join a cult but at least I can see where I’m going now.
Drunken sex orgies? I’m in!