Some Freaking Holiday Cheer
A family “Baa Humbug” holiday poem
If you did not invite me to your stupid Christmas party,
I don’t really care, anyway, you jerk
because if I was there, I would spend the night farting.
She didn’t include me in her dumb Chanukah celebration this year,
but that’s okay you horrible beast,
because you have a body shaped like a pear.
That family didn’t send us a crappy holiday card;
they are just awful, stinky finks –
who look like they constantly eat a pound of lard.
We weren’t included in your foolish holiday cheer,
which I guess sucks for us this year;
however, next year you abominable excuse for a friend,
next year it will be my turn to make sure you feel the way we did,
and we certainly we won’t be open to amends.
So enjoy your stupid Christmas party;
have fun at your dumb Chanukah celebration;
write out your crappy holiday cards
and relish in your foolish holiday cheer.
This time, next year, I will toast you,
all alone, and happy,
with a big, freaking beer.