Stream of Barely Consciousness

Being unemployed gives you a lot of time to think about what your next step in life is going to be. Once your mind pretty much draws a blank, you let it wander and that’s when life’s really important questions come bubbling to the surface. Here are some things to ponder:

Remember the Wonder Twins from the old Super Friends cartoon? Zan could turn into some form of water, while his sister Jayna could turn into any animal she wanted. Every once in a while you would see her turn into a type of bird and Zan would be a bunch of water that she carried around in a bucket. You could even see his face in the water. When Jayna would be flying holding the bucket in her talons, drops of water would spill out of it. Yet when they turned back into the Wonder Twins, Zan always looked the same. Shouldn’t he have been missing a finger or a toe or something?

What exactly are reindeer games anyway? Antlers in the pants? Hooves and ladders? One of Ben Affleck’s biggest mistakes? Okay, second biggest. J-Lo was definitely the biggest.

And finally, why do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bother to wear masks? Does the whole secret identity thing really come into play with giant turtles? I mean I understand why superheroes like Batman wear a mask. If he didn’t, everyone would say, “Hey, that’s Bruce Wayne beating up that clown dude. Sue, clown dude, sue!”

But if you saw a giant turtle walking around in a business suit—even in New York city—wouldn’t it be obvious that it’s one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

“Hey, Bob, do ya think that’s one of them Ninja Turtles?”

“How the hell should I know, Dave? Those guys wear masks.”

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  1. Haha, great. The WonderTwin powers always bothered me as well. Why can the girl turn into all kinds of badass things and the guy is stuck being frickin’ water??