The Beer Facts

I remember all too well my first college project assignment, “Thumbelina Soup”.  Ideally, it was a mini cup of soup for calorie conscience dieters; less than 50 calories per serving.  Now granted you would need at least 5 cups of this stuff to fill you up, but the challenge was how to advertise it to the average consumer.    One slogan, “Thumbelina is so Yumbelina” tanked.  I can’t imagine why.  The other, “The Tiny Soup with the Big Ass Price” didn’t go over too well either – hence, switching my major to Ceramics for a semester.

A few days ago I was rummaging through some of my old projects.  I wanted to rekindle the old advertising flame and create a new product.  I decided on a fake beer called, SlappHappy.   I pitched it to my friends and asked them to submit slogans, promising if the beer campaign was a success, I’d give them royalties.  Eh, it was more like me hand-printing their slogan on an old, thrift store tee-shirt.  With that being said, here’s what they came up with.

SlappHappy Beer

“SlappHappy – It ain’t about the beer, it’s about the buzz and how much it makes you pee!”

“You can’t slap this shit-eating smile off my face because I’m a SlappHappy Beer guy!”

“We all know the good stuff is better . . . but is it four buck better?  Drink SlappHappy Beer!”

“Try SlappHappy, the beer for drinkers who are willing to  sacrifice great taste for low price and even low expectations.”

“9 out of 10 cats prefer SlappHappy Beer  . . . don’t be a pussy, drink SlappHappy!”

The winning slogan:

“It ain’t the malt, it ain’t the hops, it ain’t the water . . . it’s the alcohol bitch!”

SlappHappy  slogans for Seasonal Specials:

Winter Ale: “SlappHappy makes you so ho, ho, horny, Happy Holidays from all of us at SlappHappy Beer.”

. . . I’m still waiting for Anheuser–Busch to call.