The Stupid Guests of Jerry Springer

Jerry Springer © by cliff1066™

I came home from shopping and made myself a quick lunch and turned on the TV to unwind. Lo and behold, one of our local channels was airing Jerry Springer.  I rarely watch this show, but sometimes it’s like watching a train wreck. I don’t want to look, but I just have to.  I’m sorry if this sounds mean, but how come all of Jerry’s guests have southern accents, no teeth, a minimum of 30 tattoos and the desire to brag about their sexual prowess?

Today’s guest boasted that he had been with 139 women and that he is the stud of his town.  Well, I guess I could have believed this except for the fact that he looked like Justin Bieber before puberty, so I cannot imagine how all the women in this town went for him. My only theory is that there is a leaking nuclear power plant close by and the radiation has warped their brains.

Okay, now get ready for a shocker which is not that  this kid has had sex with 139 women. The staggering amount of sex partners was not the reason for him visiting the show. Apparently, the Bieber-esque stud is, in fact, a woman or as he so eloquently stated: “a guy with a period.” Yep,  a woman, who was also able to convince his current mash potato-brained girlfriend to appear on the show with him. It was so sad, but as the audience screamed in fits of ecstasy “JERRY!  JERRY!”,  she Looked at Jerry and said in an obviously devastated voice, “I don’t understand; we had lots of sex.”

This is when I choked on my sandwich.  And there we have a big mystery because they both swear they had sex. I’m a little puzzled. I don’t know what the boy/girl thinks is sex, but how did the duped girlfriend not know something was missing?  See, this is why I can’t watch Jerry Springer because I can’t have compassion for these people.  In truth, I have a hard time feeling compassion when people are either whiners or just stupid, and to be honest, the unsuspecting girlfriend definitely fell into the stupid category. It’s not that I need someone to be a Harvard graduate for me to show compassion, but just a basic level of common sense would be appreciated.

As it turns out, the Bieber-esque chick is hoping to get a sex change which I hope she does, because she is a man trapped in a woman’s body. I hope some surgeon sees this episode and offers this girl the surgery so she can be happy in life.  As for the chick he is currently dating and the 138 other women who apparently don’t ask their partners to show them their condoms, someone give them  a brain transplant and maybe two  anatomically correct dolls so they  can finally know what heterosexual sex entails.  Until then, let’s all just shout, “JERRY!  JERRY!”


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2 thoughts on “The Stupid Guests of Jerry Springer”

  1. Justin Bieber before puberty – BWAHAHAHA!

    I think Jerry Springer holds Village Idiot contests all over the USA and the winners get to be on his show.

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