The Willpower Diet

I just started a new diet, based upon willpower. It is very easy — all I have to do is not think of food between meals. So far it is working pretty well, even though I just started it two hours ago. I am at peas, I mean … peace, with myself and am having no trouble with thoughts of food interrupting the hominy of my being! To avoid weakening, I’ll just beef up my defenses to these impulses and go outside to enjoy nature. As I relax and release the eggs and pains of my body, I sit down and watch the chocolate mousse, I mean brown moose, in the nearby fork of the stream. I see the mud layered in cakes on his legs. Maybe if he went to a cobbler, he could get some boots to wear, I think! Ha Ha!

Just then, I notice a troop of Girl Scout Brownies nearby are also enjoying the wildlife with me. I think some of them might have fudged their ages to be able to join them – they look like little peanuts! I scream at them to stay back from the mousse and they run away and dessert me! I suspect they may not be well-bread. I certainly won’t try to butter them up if they are going to act this way!

Even in these natural surroundings, it seems all I can think about is food! I can’t block it out anymore.  Time and thyme again, my thoughts are peppered with seasonal delights. Although I thought this diet would be a sage way to lose weight, it no longer seems so smart — I can’t even raise my basil metabolism! Even the green surroundings parsley remind me of something to eat. Lettuce leaf here before it’s too late, I think. Although I have tried to meat the challenge of the willpower diet, I can no longer steak a claim on my thoughts — they are overpowering me with images of food. Wining and stewing about it will do no good; I must go home now and end this dreadful diet!