Trailer Park Romance and the Viagra Overdose | HumorOutcasts

Trailer Park Romance and the Viagra Overdose

June 14, 2011
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I got a call from my girlfriend, Ginger, on Friday. She said that she would be coming over to my place in an hour or so, and that I should get ready to have some real fun!   Ginger told me that she had a big surprise for me and we were going to have a great time.

Ginger has never promised me an evening of fun and a surprise before. And since Ginger is an ex-stripper, my mind was going crazy imagining what she had planned.  I knew she had went to the mall earlier that day, so I just assumed that the big surprise was some new lingerie from Victoria’s Secret and the fun she was concocting was something in the order of a honeymoon without, of course,  the ring. 

I had been working extremely hard all day in the heat patching potholes in the trailer park, so I was tired.  But I didn’t want to disappoint Ginger, so I dug inside my cupboard for that sample bottle of Viagra that my doctor had given me about a year ago.

After finding the bottle, I tried reading the instructions to find out how many pills to take at one time.   But the label on the bottle wasn’t legible because the samples were so old.   I didn’t think there would be a problem, so I popped two tablets and waited about 10 minutes.    Not feeling at all different, I decided to take a look down there to see how the progress was coming along.  I peeked into my shorts, but all I saw was what appeared to be three dried up prunes.

“Damn! — nothing Yet!”  I yelled.  Then I popped two more Viagra tablets and paced the floor, periodically making a progress check.   But after 15 more minutes, there was still nothing.  Now, running short of time before my guest arrives I just grabbed a handful of tablets and swallowed them. 

 I started to feel some tingling in my jeans, so I decided to take a peek.    Oh yes, this looks much better now I only see two prunes with a rocket ship between them, and a very impressive rocket ship at that!    Ginger better be ready to experience the Parting of The Red Sea tonight because I’m firing up all the boosters on my new rocket ship.   

 With everything now going my way, I thought  might put together a little surprise of my own for Ginger.  I thought I’d answer the door wearing nothing except my new bikini shorts and my new rocket ship!  I thought that would really set the mood for a honeymoon!   As a matter a fact, maybe I thought I would go one step further and forget the bikinis altogether.

 The door bell rang, so I walked over to answer it.  I was so excited for Ginger to see me that I flung open the door and yelled “Surprise!” Unfortunately, standing outside the door was Ginger, her mom, and her two sisters. Their jaws dropped open, and the their faces looked as if they had seen a ghost.  I also noticed that Ginger had a Monopoly game in her hand. 

Ginger yelled, “What the hell are you doing Tom?  And what’s with that flagpole?”

Then I realized that Ginger’s surprise was that she wanted me to meet her family, and the fun she had in mind was playing Monopoly.   The sad part was that Ginger’s two sisters were actual sisters –nuns who taught at the  local Catholic school.   I don’t know why they looked so shocked, I’m sure that they have seen flagpoles in the school yard.

After realizing what a fool I had made of myself in front of Ginger’s family, I ran back to my bedroom and put some clothes on.     When I got back to the door, it was still open, but I didn’t see any sign of Ginger or her family.

Now, I have this huge Rocket Ship and I don’t know what to do with it. I tried to sit it off, but it was terribly uncomfortable, so I decided to try and sleep it off.  The next morning when I awoke my flagpole was still standing at attention and I had one heck of a stiff neck!   Now, what am I going to do?  I can’t work with this obstruction in my road all day.   I also wondered about the guys who got implants.  Do they have hinges or something  so they can be folded over when not in use?

So, I started an internet search and I found a number for the Viagra Hotline (1-800-GET-HARD).  I quickly called and got a female operator.   I told her that I had taken 15-20 tablets the day before and I needed help getting my thingy back to normal ASAP.   

The Operator said, “Mr. Lund, why don’t you go love yourself?”

I said, “WHAT??”

 She said, “Just go love yourself until it goes away.”

I answered, “How the heck do you do that?”

 The Operator answered, “I can’t give you instructions Mr. Lund, why don’t you give Pee Wee Herman a call, I think he can help you in that area.”

Then the operator chuckled and hung up.

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4 Responses to Trailer Park Romance and the Viagra Overdose

  1. Theresa Wiza
    June 21, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Ginger, her mother, and her sisters, apparently have no sense of humor.

  2. June 14, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    Maybe you better run up a white flag on your flagpole!

    • Mayor Lund
      June 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm

      I bet I could keep that flag flying for 48 hours!

  3. June 14, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    I have always said that Ginger should be looking around elsewhere. I think the two of you together is not a good thing.



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