What if God Just “Isn’t That Into You”?

I try to comprehend what must be the gap in complexity between man and God. Certainly the gap is huge, right? Surely more so than the gap between, say, human and amoeba.

So I look at my relationship to the amoeba. Suppose I created a safe environment for the amoeba and his incestuous family (damn sinners!) in their own petri dish universe. I would supply them with a base of agar nutrition and initial protection from enemies, ensuring maximum odds for survival.
What would I expect to gain in my relationship to these primitive creatures? I don’t know, probably nothing more than the excitement of looking at them in the microscope, maybe pointing them out to the kids – “Look at that goofy-shaped one!” – until I became bored with them and moved on to something else, possibly a new Wii game. I definitely don’t think they could keep my attention for thousands of years.

And I certainly can’t fathom the necessity of making any kind of rules for them to live by:

No reproducing without first marrying yourself!
No flagellating on Sundays!
A nuclei for a nuclei!
Honor your mom, because well, you’re her.

And I can’t possibly see what I would gain from any sort of worship from them. They’re dumb one-celled organisms! What could they possibly offer me?

In a word: Dysentery

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6 thoughts on “What if God Just “Isn’t That Into You”?”

  1. Hi there, I stumbled on your web site from stumbleupon. It is not something I would regularly read, but I loved your spin on it. Thank you for creating something worth reading!

  2. “No flagellating on Sundays!” Now that would be a difficult one to abide by with all those gasbag reverends belching out BS. LOL

  3. Can’t picture the metaphysical form of dysentery for God. What other discomfort could we plague him with. Oh yeah, Tea Partiers. Take that Mr. Creator of all things.

  4. Eric, maybe you would feel more nurturing for the amoeba if you had created it, instead of just letting “whatever” happen in that Petri dish! We’ve all heard about animals that “only a mother could love”. But even babies have to cry to get their mother’s attention sometimes, so I guess we are all guilty of boredom (or better things to do).

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