What if There is No Rapture Today? | HumorOutcasts

What if There is No Rapture Today?

May 21, 2011
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Believing that Harold Camping is of sound mind and sorely misunderstood by the rest of the world I have taken a leap of faith and resolved some needed issues here before I am carried away.  I think we need to have a cleansing of the soul before we meet our Maker.  If it’s good enough for Kirk Cameron it’s good enough for me.

 

  1. I told my part time employer at Wal-Mart that he’s a pervert and would burn in fires of hell.
  2. Told my parish priest the same thing.
  3. Told my wife I often thought of Ann-Margaret when we had sex.
  4. Told my neighbors what yahoos they were for supporting Sarah Palin.
  5. Informed my Pharmacists that I forged my sleeping pills Rx.
  6. Informed Rick Perry that it was I who sent him a picture of my bare ass.
  7. Asked forgiveness of the local Republican Headquarters office for spray painting swastikas on their office windows.
  8. Looked up my high school math teacher and confessed that I had set the fire to the bag of dog feces on his front porch as a youth.  Feces that resulted from feeding my dog a healthy portion of biscuits and gravy.
  9. Confessed that I was stoned when I stated that I had found Jesus to the Mormon proselytizers.
  10. Cancelled my order for 300 pizzas to be delivered to Harold Campings Family Radio Worldwide studio tomorrow.

 

You don’t think I have acted in haste do you?

 

lbwoodgate

"How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it."

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4 Responses to What if There is No Rapture Today?

  1. Jack Sass
    May 21, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    On the advice of my attorney, I’m pleading the Fifth. Confession might be good for the soul, but only if the statue of limitations has run out. LOL

  2. Deb Martin-Webster
    May 21, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    I really hope it happens ’cause I got dibs on all those orphaned bank accounts. You can’t take it with you! Cha-ching!

  3. lbwoodgate
    May 21, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    How should title the e-mail subject line? “Wish you were there”?

  4. May 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    well, you have been busy! This was very funny. Mail it kirk Cameron. I would say email it, but I think he is against technology.



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