What Party is For You? | HumorOutcasts

What Party is For You?

April 28, 2011
By

Here is a short quiz that you can use to determine what political party is right for you. Choose the most appropriate answer for each item, total your points, and match it to the scale at the end of the quiz.

Disclaimer: This quiz is for entertainment purposes only and should not be used for political contribution decisions or voting. Those choices should continue to be made by which candidate you’d most like to have a beer with.

Gun rights:
You acknowledge the right to bear arms, but own none or one weapon +1
You own several weapons +2
You own too many weapons to count, and they take turns under your pillow. You may have even named them. +5

Religion:
You’ve heard of the 700 Club +1
You’ve watched the 700 Club +2
You are in the 700 Club +5

The Outdoors:
You have no clue what “field dressing a moose” is +1
You have field dressed a moose +2
You have field dressed a size 14 girl that you kidnapped in your van +5

President Obama
You think Barack Obama is fighting a noble battle against obstructionist Republicans +1
You think Barack Obama has different policy priorities than you and you are nervous about the deficit +2
You think 1/3 of the Constitution has already vanished like Marty McFly’s family photo +5

Evolution:
You believe that humans and apes share a common ancestor +1
You believe that some form of evolution took place by God’s direction +2
There’s no way that you and some damn dirty ape are related in any way +5

Capital punishment:
Capital punishment is cruel and unusual punishment +1
Capital punishment is a necessary form of punishment required to establish a proper deterrent +2
Capital punishment is justified for extreme cases, like when the suspect is black or Muslim +5

Homosexuality:
You are heterosexual +0
You are openly homosexual +1
You are a closeted homosexual who hates himself +2
You are a closeted homosexual who preaches a large congregation about the dangers of homosexuality +5

Abortion:
You realize that it’s difficult, but should remain a choice +1
You think abortion should never be allowed +2
All abortions are wrong, except the one you had because you were in school because your dad would have been really mad +5

Climate change:
Climate change is sound science and something should be done about it +1
Climate change is happening, but you are not certain enough of the causes to apply any new burdens upon business +2
Climate change is occurring exactly as Xenu has predicted. +5

Gay marriage:
Gays should be free to marry +1
Gays should be able to form civil unions +2
Gays should never be able to marry, because that may cut down on available men in the Minneapolis airport bathroom +5

Drugs:
Drugs not associated with violent offenses should be legalized +1
Drug users or dealers should be locked up for a long time +2
Oxycontin is not really a drug +5

Government entitlements:
The government should use tax money to fund programs to help the needy +1
The government should allow me to keep tax money to give to a church or similar group to help the needy +2
The government should allow me to keep tax money because I am not lazy like poor people +5

Government spending:
Sometimes the government should borrow to fulfill an urgent need +1
The government should always operate in the black +2
It’s OK to borrow money as long as it’s used to blow up brown people +5

Privacy:
Citizens should never be spied on without due process +1
It’s a difficult balance, but sometimes the law must be bent to stop potential terrorist action +2
Anyone who has a problem with wiretaps obviously has something to hide +5

News and Entertainment:
You watch Fox News for the humor +1
You watch Fox News for the news +2
You won’t watch Fox News because it’s too liberal +5

Scope of Government:
You believe it is the government’s responsibility to ensure freedom for all +1
You believe that the powers of government should be strictly limited to those powers enumerated in the Constitution +2
SOCIALISM! +5

State vs Federal government:
The federal government should protect freedoms for all +1
The federal government should defer to state sovereignty +2
My bulk white linen purchases are no business of the federal government +5

Energy:
There needs to be a concerted effort to develop and implement green technologies +1
A mix of all energy sources is required to fulfill our needs +2
Drill, baby, drill +5

Greatest American Hero:
William Katt +1
Ronald Reagan +2
Glenn Beck +5

The World:
I love America but respect that other nations may have their own competing world view, but I do hate France +1
I love America, America can do no wrong, and I hate France +2
The United Nations is run by the shadowy Illuminati who conspires to usher in a new world order which will soon mean the end of American sovereignty. I have no idea what this means, but I cut and paste it on hundreds of message boards daily +5

Morality:
Citizens should be allowed to do as they please as long as it harms no one else +1
God’s biblical laws form the basic framework within which to operate as a society +2
Civil liberties must be defended. Now, leave your blinds open so that I know you’re not using any of the naughty ones +5

Check your score:

Under 30: Democrat
31-40: Independent
41-50: Republican
51-74: Just plain nuts
75-105: Outright crazy
Over 105: Outright crazy, and bad at math

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7 Responses to What Party is For You?

  1. TigerMom
    May 2, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Being Chinese, no matter what my score is, I think I automatically fall under the “Communist” category. By the way, you left that out…

  2. Theresa Wiza
    April 28, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    You left my category out – you know – the party that has yet to be created?

  3. April 28, 2011 at 10:29 am

    I’m a democrat. I already knew that, but this was still fun. 🙂

  4. April 28, 2011 at 10:00 am

    If you got over 50, you should consider the Tea Party (or learn to read)!

  5. lbwoodgate
    April 28, 2011 at 7:36 am

    You had Rick Santorum in mind on that last item on morality, right?

  6. April 28, 2011 at 7:26 am

    Sounds a lot more like theory than practice.

  7. April 28, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Oh my Spall, you outdid yourself here and a picture! This is like a major breakthrough for you. I am overcome with emotion that you posted a photo here. It’s you, right?



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