Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
This week is the 10th anniversary of Silliman on Sports. I know! It seems like only yesterday. Time flies when you’re writing silly sports columns. What should we do to celebrate? It’s been a decade of giggles. Any ideas, readers?
Don’t suggest we wheel in a big cake to someone’s bachelor (or bachelorette) party so I can jump out of it somewhat like the cartoon shown below. That’s an idea only a crazy cartoonist would love, a really doubly warped cartoonist at that.
First off, I can’t jump. My jumping days are over and it takes all the surprise out of the jumping-out-of-a- cake show if a couple of guys, or gals, have to lean over the cake, break through the top layer of icing and pull you up by your arms. And then be careful not to rip your sash… and then steady you while you regain your balance. And then run after the party goers who are rushing to the restrooms for their not-too-unexpected upchucks.
One thing I can be thankful about, regarding the cartoon, is the crazy cartoonist didn’t give me porn star boobs. He has a tendency to do that, put porny boobs on someone when it’s not justified.
So can the cake-jumping idea. And by “can” I mean “nix” or kibosh, a big no-can-do.
Should we do some type of sporting event where the number “10” is prevalent? Maybe go watch a Bo Derek Olympics? I bet they have a decathlon. And if we let our cartoonist draw up the Bo Derek decathlon he’ll put porny boobs on the participants. That’s no good.
What else should we do? Go out biking, riding 10 Speeds? Watch basketball, where there are always 10 players on the court and the goal is so high? Baseball, where on the opening pitch, nine in the field plus one batter makes 10? Football, where the end zones are 10 yards and a first down is 10 yards and the defense sometimes goes to a “dime”? How about bowling, with its 10 pins and 10 frames? And don’t forget those bowling shoes, which are designed to contain a total of ten toes. I bet a minyan would agree with me on this. Or a ten legged animal.
Here’s another idea I was given, a poker party using cards. I guess poker is a sport. I’ve seen it on ESPN.
Better yet, we’ll play blackjack. And in our celebratory event, we’ll have Bo Derek deal and all the face cards will carry a ten point value. Just for our event. And then when we set the tables up, we’ll wear masks in honor of our favorite sports subjects. We’ll even have a Mike Tyson mask with his special face tattoo which I’ve been told is Asian lettering for “Have a nice 10th anniversary.”
If we’re doing masks, I want a Josh Roberts mask, but no one seems to know what he looks like. He was the field goal kicker from Montana recruited by Oklahoma in 2002 but ended up in New York. We surmised he mistook the Broadway play “Oklahoma” for OU’s summer workout and that became the subject of our first column. If anyone can send us a Josh Robert’s mask, in return we’ll ship you a signed copy of all our books.
Thanks to all the readers who’ve stayed with us. It’s been a quick and fun ten years.