12 Things Dads Do NOT Want to Hear….

Photo Credit - Creative Commons: Striatic

As a parent of two kids – plus another expected addition within the next few weeks – there are some things I love to hear my daughters say.

Such as, “You’re the greatest dad ever” or “I love you to the moon and back” or “I’m not going to date until I’m 35 years old!!!

That’s music to my ears.

However, there are some phrases that I dread to hear coming from the mouths of my children. While I haven’t heard all of these yet – my two daughters are only preteens after all – I expect to hear a few of them in the near future.  But I hope not:

  • “Dad, I really like this Swedish death metal band called GoryTopia – they rock!”
  • “I’m not sure which end of the cat it came out of, but there is a mess on your leather chair in the basement.”
  • “Why can’t I get an iPhone 4S? I’m already 1o years old!”
  • “So, the big screen TV in the basement is now a bunch of little teeny-tiny ‘screens’ on the floor.”
  • “Daddy I’m so stoked! I won a contest to tour with the Swedish death metal band GoryTopia here in the US. I can meet up with them in Austin – isn’t that great!”
  • “Come on, it’s not really a piercing if it’s functional! Look, I can sip a straw through it without opening my mouth while also attaching several of your fly-fishing lures at the same time.”
  • “You’re so controlling! Why can’t I have my senior picture taken with a 12-inch, spiked pink-and-green mohawk???”
  • “Ok, I’ve got some good news, some bad news, some really bad news – and some apocalyptic-caliber bad news.”
  • “Why can’t I go on a date with a boy? I’m already 13 years old!”
  • “I’ve decided that I want to skip my full-ride scholarship to Dartmouth and join a traveling carnival. The freedom of the open road beckons me.”
  • “Please can we keep this full-grown pit bull that was wandering the neighborhood? I’m sure he’s house broken.”
  • “Daddy, in Sweden you can get married at 16 and Alberik “Snark” Esbjorn – the lead singer of GoryTopia just proposed to me via Twitter – isn’t that romantic???”

Question: Are there any others that I may have missed that should be added?


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14 thoughts on “12 Things Dads Do NOT Want to Hear….”

  1. “Dad, I was hoping you would buy me a brand new Mercedes SLK for my 16th birthday, like several of the rest of my classmates have gotten! I’ll go with you to pick out the color.”

  2. Thanks Doc! Our kids take the same tact – beginning their barrage of holiday request salvos in July in hopes that they’ll wear us down in a battle of attrition 😉

  3. “Dad, I absolutely have to have a new pair of Prada shoes. Caitlin’s parents bought some for her, and I have to dress better than she does because I hate her.”

  4. Love this! And congrats on your almost new addition. I am sure she or he will give you a bunch more to add to the list. “I was thinking for Christmas, I…” was a sure fire hint of a big ticket item being launched our way.

  5. Another great list Tor. I think the things that I heard as a father that I didn’t want to hear always seemed to start with the phrase “How much does it cost”. As in: How much does it cost to replace a picture window? It is never just idle curiosity that prompts the question.

    1. Hah, that’s genius Ted! For some reason kids don’t catch the finer points of Bayesian economic theory unless it’s a discussion of replacement value 😉

  6. That’s a good one! I completely agree that the word “situation” is loaded with foreboding – especially if it’s followed with the works “Snooki” or “Jersey Shore!”

  7. I’m sensing a Swedish trend here Tor! This was very, very funny! The words I hated to hear most, “Mom, I have a situation here…” Nothing good ever started with those words.

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