A Love Letter to Sedona | HumorOutcasts

A Love Letter to Sedona

September 18, 2012

Just recently I visited Sedona for the second time in my life.  Second time around and I’m still hypnotized when I drive along Highway 89 and a wall of majestic red rock set in relief by the bluest sky, greets me as I slowly turn a bend.  It’s the equivalent to a show opener that gobsmacks you into awe.  I’ll save my impressions of Sedona for another time, as this place tends to rob the language of  any words to justify what a magical place it is.  Today, I’ll talk about a more pedestrian experience.

See, as beautiful as Sedona is, it’s also effing expensive!  Take my visit to their organic supermarket, New Frontiers Natural Marketplace.   This place makes Whole Foods look like a run down bodega.  I’m talking about those dimly lit, rat infested bodegas with a 3-inch thick plastic cage surrounding the cashier.

Only go here when you’re super hungry, have no other choice, and you just hit the lottery.

Let me set this up: I just wanted a fruit salad.  I’d just returned from a grueling hike and I wanted something healthy, sweet and filling.

When I went to the hot foods/deli counter section, I asked the employee if they had any prepared.  She sadly admitted that they didn’t have anything and that I would have to buy my own fruit and cut it up.   When I explained I was staying at a hotel and that I didn’t have a kitchen, she kindly suggested I buy some fruit and she would make the fruit salad for me.

At the front of the store I picked up some ruby deep strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, a Colorado peach (which, for the record, tastes like a regular peach, but I think they had to justify the $4.99/lb cost), a pink apple and a plum.  $18 dollars later, I walk my 4 lb bag of fruit back to the deli section, and after 20 more minutes the lovely young lady emerges from the back with a 2 lb. container of finely chopped, brightly colored fruit salad.

“By the way”, she says with an innocent smile, “I had a few of your strawberries.”

Bitch, you just ate your tip.

Jack Aiello

Experiences, rants, musings. I'm never satisfied, unless it involves bacon.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Yelp

Share this Post:


4 Responses to A Love Letter to Sedona

  1. September 20, 2012 at 9:39 am

    I’d just love to go in and ask the manager, “Do ya’ll have any of them vie-enny sausages? Woo, that’s some good shit right there. That’s bettern’ crap on a cracker!” That’s on my bucket list.

    Great post! Been to Sedona. Yeah, the magic meditation fairies live there—and also at the “Free People” clothing stores at the mall. Betcha didn’t know that.

  2. September 19, 2012 at 12:16 am

    Sedona looks and sounds amazing. I look forward to visiting. And while I’m there, I’ll make sure to stop by New Frontiers and have the bitch chop me up a $35.00 green salad.

  3. September 18, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    It only took me two years. Thanks Donna

  4. September 18, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Okay, you didn’t get that whole magical meditation vibe that is supposed to come from Sedona did you? You were supposed to say, “oh, that’s lovely, Hon. Glad you enjoyed them.” LOL Once a Bronx boy; always a Bronx boy! I loved that you posted!!

User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Lite Whines and Laughter: Mild Rants and Musings on the Mundane
By Lee Gaitan and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
It Comes From Within: Living with Bipolar Illness
By Michael Solomon. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle