Can I Channel Spirits?

My sister-in-law Linda  gave me a book called Beyond Delicious: The Ghost Whisperer’s Cookbook. This treasure-trove of recipes has an added touch to each entry… a bona fide ghost story.   I know the skeptics out there are already saying that this is a marketing hook to sell the book and maybe it is, but I have to tell you that some of these stories would make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. There are stories of lost loves, lost parents, lost grandmothers and all stories are associated with a particular recipe and why it is special to the cook.

Some of the stories are funny and I think to myself, “Aw, I could cook that.” Some of the stories are not so funny, and then I think, “If I cook this and mess it up, will the ghost come to me to complain?”  I don’t want complaining ghosts in my house. My live family does enough complaining about my cooking; they don’t need help.

I will admit that I love the paranormal.  I don’t always believe in ghosts and entities, and that is probably the reporter in me, but I do think the topic of ghosts  is fascinating.

At the request of a friend, I recently went to “check out” a medium who could channel dead friends and family.  For the record, I tend to like my relatives to rest in peace.  I come from a loud Italian family so I just assume if someone is coming back to haunt me it will be to yell at me for something I have done wrong. But to help out this friend, I made an appointment with the medium.

The gentleman seemed normal. In fact, he used to be a chemist at a major drug company.  His “talent” started when he suffered a life-threatening illness.  Anyway, I knew what to expect, or so I thought, because my friend warned me about what he said to clients.  However, I was not ready for this. When I walked into the room, he extended his hand and took it back before I had a chance to shake it, and said to me in an emphatic tone,

“Oh my!  Your vibrations are bouncing around this room. How long have you seen spirits? Do you talk to them?”

I gave him an incredulous look and then used a line from the wise and witty Sergeant Schultz, “I know nothing; I see nothing!”  And I also added, “And let’s keep it that way shall we?”

But he could not let it go. My reading did not consist of my dead relatives coming back to say hello–or even my best friend. No one showed up which sort of perturbed me a bit because how hard could it have been to make the trip? I think it would be easier for them to come to me than for me to go to them. I was a bit ticked off thinking how typical it was for them to not make the effort to say hello. But the medium would not be dissuaded. No, my reading consisted of him telling me why I should explore my special talent and me arguing back why I don’t want to explore my special talent.  I could not be more blunt with my assertion that I saw no dead beings anywhere, and then he said something that still haunts me,

“Oh, you have seen them, but you might not have realized they were spirits.”

Now, what the hell does that mean? Do I have to reach out and touch everyone I meet or see so I can decipher who is here and who is not.  I think while some people might think I am an affectionate person, others might want to call the cops.  Now, I am freaked out.  If I go to let the dogs out in the middle of the night, I turn on every light in the house so that nothing surprises me in the dark. And if I am the last one to bed, after I turn off the last light, I sprint up the stairs so nothing in the dark grabs me from behind.  This guy ruined my house for me.  Three times this week, I have awakened my husband with a gentle punch to the ribs.

“I heard a noise. Don’t you want to go see what it is with me?”

To which he has responded, “Goddamn it! It’s not a freaking ghost (I always clean up his use of the F word. I have to — as he uses it so frequently).   Go back to bed. If it’s a burglar, let him take the stuff; we’re insured.”

I swear the man takes nothing I say seriously anymore.  Anyway, I am walking on tippy toes around my house.  I watch the dogs to see if they notice anything buzzing around the house that shouldn’t be there.  So far, I think we are safe.  While they bark at my nuisance of a neighbor who I wish was a ghost, that is about all the paranormal action they get.  Will I try to develop my so called talent?  I don’t know. I have friends who are real psychics, so I am content to ask them my questions. I don’t think I need to horn in on their gifts.

So, to all the spirits out there who think I might be a portal back to your living relatives and friends, I say, “Move on and find another channel frequency. This one is off the air.”