It’s happening again. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal, a movie production company is threatening to make a sequel to the cherished classic Casablanca. Remember the last time this horrible idea came up? When rumors swirled that Ben and J-Lo were planning to do a remake of the film, the lash back was quick and vicious. The idea drowned under an entirely justified wave of public hostility.
Well, it’s time to hit the flush handle once again, because this turd of an idea is back.
The planned script will apparently chronicle the lives of the main characters after they return to America. I have pretty good idea how this travesty of a movie will unfold:
The film will be titled Casabankrupt.
Rick and Ilsa (Bogart and Bergman in the original) will take out a home loan that is far greater than what they can afford.
The nation’s president, facing sinking approval ratings and eager to appear tough, will start a new war in North Africa.
Depressed by the falling value of their home and unable to find work, Rick will become addicted to video games. When confronted by Ilsa, he’ll bark “Frankly harlot, I don’t give a damn!”
To save both their relationship and their home, Ilsa will become a biographer for the general leading the new war. In a brave gesture, Rick will let her go, knowing how important the book will be for the nation.
The film will end with Rick and a scandal-plagued Ilsa sitting on a couch, watching a celebrity show on a huge flatscreen. They’ll be sullen and dejected at the cruel reversal of fortune that fate has bestowed upon them. But then an heiress to a hotel fortune will prance down the beach wearing a skimpy bikini. Rick will brighten and then say, “Well, we’ll always have Paris.”
Keep flushing folks. We can’t let this film happen.
No color for Bogie and Bergman! I like to think that her dark red lipstick is black and Goth-like! Funny Thomas!!
Excuse me for a minute —
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Thanks. Now I feel better.
Didn’t know there was a colorized version, need to check that out. Not Lucas, its the granddaughter of a Warner Bros founder. Some things r sacred.
Promise me right now that you won’t let George Lucas get his hands anywhere near this because he will make it happen I have no more room inside for anymore of his nonsense!
I have to admit that when they colorized the film, I was curious. I really wanted to see what color one of Ilsa’s outfit was– the one she wore to the police station. I loved the hat and dress. It was a stunning ensemble. I don’t want a remake though. No one can play those characters like Bogie and Ingrid. It is my favorite movie!