Eight Reasons Why I Would Have Made a Great Fairy Tale Princess if Someone Had Only Given Me the Chance | HumorOutcasts

Eight Reasons Why I Would Have Made a Great Fairy Tale Princess if Someone Had Only Given Me the Chance

July 6, 2012
By

Future Husband

1. I could sing “Someday My Prince Will Come” in the original key. I still can.

2. I could do a slow two-step waltz that was pretty respectable – well, at least as long as I was leading. (Hey! Give me a break! I never stepped on any partner’s feet.)

3. I took Home Economics in high school. If push came to shove, I could have cooked and kept house for seven short working class guys who were probably too tired and hungry to care much about what they ate or how the house looked, anyway.

4. I wouldn’t have minded sitting next to a fireplace. Unfortunately, we never had one.

5. I dreamed of getting dressed up in floor-length, flouncy dresses with my hair in a beautiful up-do. Later in life, I got this out of my system by becoming an opera singer and prancing around onstage in various getups, including long, flouncy dresses. You soon find out just how uncomfortable one of those can be when you have had it on for more than a half-hour.

6. I had plenty of experience dealing with ugly old witches. A couple of my high school teachers fit that job description pretty well.

7. Although my godparents were very sweet people, I would have loved to have a fairy godmother with magical powers who could conjure up all kinds of great presents, even if some of them would only last until midnight.

8. I deserved to be kissed by a handsome prince who would fall madly in love with me. We would get married, have lots of hot, wild sex on the beach, the roof, the kitchen table and his private jet, have a few well-behaved, obedient kids and eventually rule a whole kingdom. Not bad for a working-class girl.

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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6 Responses to Eight Reasons Why I Would Have Made a Great Fairy Tale Princess if Someone Had Only Given Me the Chance

  1. July 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    “I dreamed of getting dressed up in floor-length, flouncy dresses with my hair in a beautiful up-do. Later in life, I got this out of my system by becoming an opera singer and prancing around onstage in various getups, including long, flouncy dresses. You soon find out just how uncomfortable one of those can be when you have had it on for more than a half-hour.”

    Truth. 😉

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      July 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

      The history of fashion has been one of human beings, especially women, figuring out how much discomfort and pain they can impose on themselves in the name of trying to look good.

  2. July 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    I am still waiting for the fairy godmother. I think she does exist somewhere. I will keep my eyes open!

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      July 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

      Hope springs eternal in all of us.

  3. July 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I too have some experience dealing with an ugly old witch but maybe I should really learn some other descriptive nouns when describing Jill Y’s mother – bye for now, I’m off to spend some time sleeping in the doghouse!

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      July 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

      Shhh! I won’t give away your secret.



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