Expectations and Future Resentments

Hard to believe 2012 is on its way out. The meaning of Christmas certainly has diversified, but this is not the time for that subject.

I was thinking the other day about one of my favorite sentiments my husband has uttered on more than one occasion through the years. ‘Expectations are nothing more than future resentments’.

The thought immediately reminded me of one of our Christmases a few years back. Our girls always had specific items they simply had to have. I vividly remember reminding them to make their lists… 20 shopping days left until Christmas… if you don’t write it down, I won’t remember… no promises and so on.

The glorious day of Christmas was upon us. The rule in our home is mom and dad get coffee before any chaos of paper tearing and box lids flying ensues. I have to confess, the kid in me comes alive with the anticipation of it all on Christmas morning. Our girls have had some awesome gift receiving years. That year was as stellar. However, that was the year I failed to give my husband my wish list. Imagine my horror when I opened package upon endless package of every supplemental attachment known to man to use with our Wii on family game night. To compound the misery, the final package I opened happened to be the latest release of Call of Duty. To add to the insult, my husband proudly added that bonus was ‘…straight from the big guy with the red suit…’!  I recall sitting somewhat stunned on our living room floor with the last of my gifts unwrapped. At a loss for words, I kept looking from one end of the unbelievable display to the other. I took a deep breath and when my girls left the room for a moment, I burst into tears.

My husband had the most amazing expression of heartfelt compassion and empathy when he asked me what was wrong. When I told him I didn’t get one thing I wanted he sat back, took a deep breath and let out a long, slow sigh. I could tell he was searching for the right words to comfort me and that is when he reminded me I never gave him my wish list. He explained since he didn’t have a list, he thought the best alternative was to beef up our family game night stuff. I was about to assault him with the barrage of not-so-nice thoughts swimming around in my head. Before I had a chance to fire the first round, he also reminded me that Expectations are nothing more than future resentments.

Time is a great healer. I’m a quick study and learn my lessons well. Since that memorable Christmas, I make my list and check it twice. Whether I’ve been naughty or nice, what I don’t have anymore are expectations.

Peace on Earth to All this Christmas!

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