Two news items crawled across the top of my laptop screen, one right after the other: 1) Cher is not dead and 2) Why I made myself orgasm in an MRI scanner. Which shall I address first? Okay, we can go in order. I was upset about the Cher thing–not that she is not dead, but that people just believed she was dead because they read it on Twitter. How many times do I have to say this? Just-because-you-read-it-on-Twitter-doesn’t-make-it-true. Truthfully, I love Cher. I would have been upset if she kicked the bucket and joined Sonny in mediocre singer heaven. I am happy that we can still hear her belt out that moving classic, “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves”– hopefully for years to come.
Okay, this is the real deal. I pretty much figured Cher was alive, but I didn’t want to sound too eager to jump on the orgasm story. But here we go. It seems a female science writer is working on a book about how our minds and bodies react when they reach that “Oh – Oh, God!” moment, and the only way to measure this was to participate in the self-fulfilling activity in an MRI scanner at Rutgers University.
I am amazed at this woman. I am not amazed that she had no problem masturbating in front of doctors. Well, that does amaze me–a lot, but what really threw me is that she could move in an MRI scanner enough to achieve this moment. I have been in MRI scanners and you can’t move anything – one has more space in a coffin plus you are not allowed to raise your arms from your side or shift your hands or anything while getting scanned. They have super strict rules, so how did she reach her goal without doing any of these things? I don’t know if the woman’s efforts proved fruitful, but I think she deserves a Pulitzer or Nobel Prize or at least an Adult Entertainment Award – something for just taking on the research.
You know what else puzzles me about the orgasm lady – the researcher – not Cher. She is getting a lot of flak from morality groups and individuals who find human sexuality research non-essential. I would like to put a theory out there: I think if we had spent millions of dollars learning how to be good at sex without feeling guilty about it, there would be a lot less disease to conquer. So, to the orgasm lady I say, “Bravo! Bravo on your courage to conduct research on such a controversial topic and really, really bravo on your performance in that scanner.” I think your work in there makes sex in an airplane lavatory seem pretty boring at best.