Gifts I Did Not Give Out or Get This Year

I love the weeks leading up to the holidays. Well, let me amend that. I love the infomercials on TV in the wee hours of the morning leading up to the holidays. Many a night, I have said to my husband, “That would make a great gift.”  Although he rarely remembers his concurrence, more often than not, the man nods his head and responds “Grr, humph, snore” which in sleeping spouse speak is “Yes, it would be a great gift; buy it.”

This year, I gave out very few TV products as gifts. I think it’s because I got a late start.  Besides an Organic Green frying pan and the Sticky Buddy, both items my dogs insisted I buy, I left the infomercial ideas alone.  However, there are products that I wish I had time to order especially since most of them offered me a second product free if I paid the additional shipping. Here is a list of products that I wished I had given out this Christmas or had received. No worries…there are always birthdays.

N0no Hair Remover: Nono is neither a laser nor a razor– nor is it a wax treatment, but a “special technology” that somehow removes hair. I am a little concerned as to the mysterious properties that allow it to remove hair, but being that it is pretty and pink and has a traveling case, I will put my fear aside and give it away to a hairy friend.  While there is no “buy two for the price of one and only pay the costs of additional shipping” promotion available, there is a promotion that allows me to try out the product for 90 days before I decide if the Nono is worth keeping. This presents an ethical conundrum.  Do I try it out and de-hair me before I give it away to another hairy person?  I don’t want to promise a friend a mustache-free face and have that not be true or worse, give her a hair removal product that makes her mustache grow thicker.  This item might take more investigating on my part.

NuWave Oven:  This little countertop oven makes all types of food in a short period of time, and supposedly, it’s a healthier way to prepare food too as there is no need to use oil or butter to cook anything.  How does it work?  Once again, it uses “special technology”. Maybe it’s the same special technology that makes the Nano hair remover work. I wonder if I stuck my eyebrows in the NuWave Oven if  it would wax and shape them like the salon. Don’t worry; I won’t try this, but it’s ideas like this one that force manufacturers to post ridiculous warning labels on their products such as “Do not stick your head in the oven” because you know someone will.

The Ear Wax Removal System:  I wrote about this product before.  This product literally sucks the ear wax out of your head.  This infomercial is on all the time which makes me think that either the ear wax problem in this world is way bigger than I imagined OR there is some unadvertised use for this sucking machine.  Remember Sharper Image massagers.  One look at those babies and the entire world knew what they were really being used for.  And once that underground massager/vibrator movement went public, those massagers sold like hot cakes, so is it too farfetched to imagine that the ear wax sucking machine has some alternative purpose?

The Chia Pet:  Everyone should buy a Chia Pet at some point in their lives. Why? Because these little  plant heads have been around forever. They have become a part of the holiday experience and deserve a place in the Smithsonian if not in our living rooms. And with so many options, there is a Chia for everyone including the family cat who can grow his own cat grass whatever that is.  Speaking of grass, I think there are special Chias on the horizon for the residents of Washington and Colorado.  These two states can have their own Chia pets to accommodate the new pot law. Suddenly, Chia will no longer be the gag gift at office parties. No, it will become the cool gift that everyone will want to get.

The Genie Bra: This little support item promises not only to make the “girls” look like pert teenagers again, but it also promises to eliminate the problem of back fat—another problem that if not addressed,  has the potential to destroy human civilization as we know it if we listen to the TV commercials. But not to worry.  We can buy a Genie bra (or two as this is a buy one and get one free product) and have higher, back-fat free boobs.

I don’t know what is down the road for TV infomercials or products, but if this product ever comes out, my husband has instructed me to purchase as many as possible. He wants someone to invent paint sheets.  What are paint sheets?  Solid poster-like sheets of paint that one would attach to the wall. With a blow dryer or heat gun, you melt the solid posters and it turns into liquid paint on the wall and dries to a beautiful finish with no worries about painting near edges or ceilings and no spills.  Simple wall decorating with no mess. Each year, I wait for this infomercial, but alas, nothing, and each year he is disappointed. Maybe if Pennsylvania joins Washington and Colorado, I can get him a special Chia pet and pretend there are paint sheets.  That might work.