This morning at a surprise press conference, God confirmed the statements of Bryan Fischer, Director of Issues Analysis for the American Family Association, and former Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, by stating, “Yes, it is true. I am a supreme being, but we can all be hurt by petty jealousies. I’m no different. I really want the prayers and commandment things back into public schools because that was working so well for everyone and no one ever died then. People are starting to think that I don’t exist, and that makes God mad. Until kids are made to read the bible and the ten commandments in school again, you can expect more shootings. And it has to be public schools because that’s where all of the cool kids go. And I’m not saving anyone. I am also considering holding my breath.”
“Sure, I could just show my face in a flaming ball in the sky and say, ‘Hear ye, I am God, believe in me!’ but that would be too obvious and would interfere with free will or something. I instead like to communicate using obscure means. Rainbows, volcanoes, tsunamis, Cheeto shapes, patterns on toast, stains on an underpass, innocent kids getting gunned down in school…that kind of thing. Only the most pious will get the messages. I don’t want to make it too easy. Then your faith wouldn’t feel as rewarding.”
“And to those wondering how I could punish innocent children for things that they were not even responsible for…well, that’s just how I roll.”
God abruptly cut short the press conference and did not answer any questions.
I thought if just armed the teachers than God would be happy again!
Sorry, I must have mad a typo…should be GOP not GOD!
And don’t even talk about gun control to God. The man who has the greatest firepower of all in bolts of lightning is a member in good standing with Wayne LaPierre and the NRA