Google Plans to Raise the Dead

By: Thomas van de Weerd

Ray Kurzweil, Google’s Director of Engineering, wants to develop the technology to raise the dead.  Before anyone screams zombies and vampires, the technology centers around using stored keepsakes, memories, journals, etc. to create a virtual representation of the person who has passed on.  Many scientists and engineers believe that Kurzweil’s ideas are not too farfetched. But according to Google, this type of technology does have limits as to who can come back as a virtual person and who cannot.

1. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates (when his time comes) will remain dead.  Why?  Just because.  Why should they come back just to rain on Google’s parade? It’s Google’s project, and Jobs and Gates will try and take credit and ruin Google’s fun.

2. There can be no reality show stars brought back to life. Why?  Well, Google would like to say “Just because they are annoying”,  but in truth it’s because there has to be some basic intellect present in a person’s real life that the virtual person can build upon, and let’s face facts, the Jersey Shore people and the Honey Boo Boo family are not exactly burning up the IQ charts.

3. The ultra right-wing members of the GOP: See Reality Show stars reasoning

Anyone else is pretty much a go.  I would suggest if you are into the possibility of coming back to bother your loved ones without the hassle of being a ghost and haunting them, you contact Google and request to be a guinea pig.  I am sure with Google behind this project, nothing can go wrong. Just look at Google+.

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12 thoughts on “Google Plans to Raise the Dead”

  1. If they bring back a virtual me to bug my surviving friends and relatives, I want to look the same way I did when I was 22. If they won’t do that, I won’t play.

      1. In that case, I want to be Anne Hathaway. When Anne Hathaway’s turn comes, she can have my 22 year old self. Is that a fair trade or what?

  2. Hey! Once my ticket is punched to leave this place I ain’t comin’ back in any form. I did my tour of duty and dat’s dat.

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