Tomorrow I will be in love. At least that’s the plan. I will have 24 hours to succeed.
Here’s how it’s going to work:
11:00 PM Tonight: I’ll be wearing my best, looking my best and I’ll be lightly scented with a pleasing oil dabbed ever so delicately behind each ear.
By Midnight: I’ll be out and about roaming the city.
Midnight is when tomorrow begins and I have until the next Midnight before the new tomorrow begins.
That is a full 24 hours to find someone and say, “Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?”
WHERE IS MY NEW LOVE?
Somewhere, that’s for sure. I’ll drive around, scanning the streets, ducking my head into convenience stores and bars…
Hopefully the first person I meet at the first place I stop, goes for it, that way we can begin the romance instantly and have nearly all 24 hours left to be two people madly in love with one another.
For, of course, my best bet at having the most love, within the given midnight-to-midnight time frame, is only if I can quickly track down a good looking person, who exudes a sufficient amount of proper pheromones. Plus my love must be willing to clear the day’s schedule so we can be in love ALL day, until midnight, without any stupid interruptions involving other people who have zero to do with our love.
KEEPING MY NEEDS BASIC:
Attractiveness, yummy pheromones, and schedule clearing a must. I’d also prefer a sober person, but a drunk one may have to do. I’ll skip any druggies, unless their addiction is cocaine. After all, it’s only for one day and my love needs to stay awake until the next midnight. I guess a meth head will be fine too.
Crack though, is out of the question. No meth either. Just cocaine.
BRING IT ON:
As soon as the agreement is agreed upon and our love begins, I will want flowers and candy. I’ll use my iPhone to track down an open store offering these goods.
After expressing happiness over such generous gifts, my new love and I will dine. If it’s the wee hours of the morning, Denny’s may be our best bet.
Our first meal together will be bursting with intriguing conversation, the kind only two people in love can have. Next up, we may or may not have sex. The sex might or might not take place in one of our cars. The sex could be at one of our houses, unless my new love is married, which means only my house will be an option. Perhaps a hotel is a better idea. Wherever the sex could happen, the sex is going to happen.
Our love making will be extraordinary. It will be the style of sex that two people passionately in love have. A multitude of caressing and kissing every part of the body. Extreme pleasure. I won’t be able to count the moans. We will moan a lot.
Once the sex is done, we will shower and I’ll require more gifts. Perhaps a necklace.
But more flowers and candy will do. Then another meal combined with awesome conversation.
During this 2nd meal, our discussion will be the sort that only two people in love who’ve just had tons of sex would engage in. Bucket loads of innuendo, sly looks, lusty feelings, hilarious in-jokes. The food will be secondary, or tertiary. Regardless, we won’t linger at this eatery. A hasty exit is expected because we will want to have more sex.
This next round of hot sex will be in one of our cars, or houses, or a different hotel room, unless we have more time left at the initial hotel we probably rented.
The new sex is twice as good because now we are familiarized with each others’ erogenous zones and are fully aware of what really gets us off.
This kind of intimacy goes on until we’re both exhausted. From all the sex, of course. Another shower for both of us.
At this time I will require at least one more gift. Perhaps a necklace, if I have already received two sets of flowers and candy.
My smile and surprise over receiving more presents will be a gushing site to behold.
Now we are ready for another meal and more delicious discussion will undoubtedly ensue.
HERE COMES THE METICULOUSLY WORKED OUT, COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED PART OF MY PLAN:
Before we’ve completed our 3rd meal, I’ll mention an emergency I must attend to and without delay I’ll leave the restaurant alone, without him.
My love will sit there in sudden solitude, missing me so much, descending into sadness. Minutes later I will receive a few sexy texts. I will respond with mutual text flirtation. This will put my love over the edge. Suddenly a desperate phone call comes from my love, begging for us to reunite.
As I am only a few steps away, standing in the restaurant parking lot, it’s easy for me to oblige.
But ONLY until midnight.
If there is to be anymore sex it will have to take place in one of our cars. There is no time to travel, it’s been a long day and our love expires precisely at midnight. Our “parting is such sweet sorrow.”
THE LORD GIVETH AND THE LORD TAKETH AWAY:
The memories of our romance, I shall never, not ever, never forget.
Once I get home and take a much needed rest, I’ll awake to find the flowers have wilted. I’ll throw them in the trash. The candy? I don’t like candy much so I’ll give it to friends. The necklace… I don’t wear jewelry. I’ll keep it until my Mom’s birthday, as she adores wearing things around her neck.
Wish me luck, it’s almost time to begin.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Did the day go according to plan?
Bill, it was mostly successful except the hotel shower water was either too hot or too cold. We couldn’t get a proper temperature. I made a huge stink about it to the manager and we got a discount on the room. With the money saved it only made sense to spend it on another gift for me. The gift was a very cool weathered coffee cup being used by a homeless woman for spare change collection from passersby. She was happy to sell it and I have since placed it in my car cup tray as a memento and reminder of the greatest love of my life.
If you came up to me taking the piss like this i’d love you from midnight to midnight. Where my company has me living now no one dares to poke fun at the treasured concept of love. We also don’t have a Valentines. If we did the women would want candy flowers necklaces but NO sex. I’m back in London this March. Bring you and your America to me from one midnight to many midnights and I’ll love you long time. Or are you English? Your humour feels like home.
“Midnight Stranger in Love” offering up tons of comment TMI, thanks.
Your ‘voice’ sounds similar to a tweeter I know… I’m not English. People do think that sometimes and I get offended because I accidentally assume they are attacking my chin. But I have a full American chin, not an English one. Thanks for the schedule of your company relocations and your impending return to London. TMI at it’s best!
P.S. I forgot to mention I loved this “poke fun at the treasured concept of love”
You know what I mean by thinking you English, but I’ll take it on the chin about the chin remark. What is TMI? Would TMI include all the sex I’m having at a hotel? You are such a card. Coincidentally I am having sex in a hotel right now. Or a seizure in a hospital. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference.
Good plan! I’ll be happy to dispose of any leftover chocolate!
Most are gone except the icky ones with cherries in the center.
I meant to say, “Mike, most are gone except the icky ones with cherries in the center.”
I have to say I think you should stay true to selecting a sober person. I know that a sloppy drunk can be attractive and fun, but really what are the odds that a sloppy drunk will hang around for even the full infatuation period? I loved this post, Charlie!
Donna,at midnight most people are wobbling around the streets searching for car keys so they can commence to texting while drunk driving. But I found a sober one on the freeway who was coming back from Vegas. We were driving about 65mph, I gesticulated wildly from my window, we got off at the next exit. I pitched the love. All went well starting from 1AM. I’m keeping the necklace. It has a little bear on it. Kinda cute. So I’ll have to buy my Mom something new for her birthday.