Help This Guy

I recently read that Dick Cheney plans to release a book about his experience surviving numerous heart attacks. The book will also discuss exciting new innovations in heart treatment (such as threatening to send unsuccessful doctors to a secret CIA prison). There’s no word yet on whether the book will discuss the link between anger, hatred, and heart disease. But one thing is certain – it sounds like an exciting read, a real heart-stopper.

But the book is currently untitled. This is a serious problem. Any author can tell you that the process of picking a title is grueling. I thought Life In The Slow Lane was great for my first book until I realized (after the fact) that other authors had the same idea before me. It’s imperative that a book have a unique title if it hopes to stand out in a crowded marketplace. So, to honor Dick’s public service, we owe our assistance in naming his book.

I’ve done a bit of research, and these titles are already taken:

Heart Of Darkness (J. Conrad)

Heart Of Ice (A. Long)

A Tell-Tale Heart (E. Poe)

Heartless (J. Grant)

I’ve wracked my brain but only been able to come up with two possibilities:

The Hearty Boys: Hunting For Weapons Of Mass Destruction

The Heart Is A Pump In The Worldwide Ocean Of Love

I like that second one, because it’s actually true, but suggestions are mandatory (and appreciated). If you’re too busy at the moment to help, don’t fret. The Tampa socialite in the Petraeus scandal is reportedly in talks with publishers to produce a tell-all about her experience. She’ll need help finding a title as well. Apparently she’s quite angry about the damage to her reputation. She really should pick up a copy of Dick’s book, regardless of the title.