Friday the 13th; it’s here again. I have to say I don’t understand the hoopla over it. I know there is a long-standing tradition of dread associated with this day. Some people suffer from a psychological disorder, Triskaidekaphobia, which is a fear of the number 13, so, I guess if that 13 also falls on a Friday, this day becomes a double whammy for fear. The historical myths about 13 are many including the biblical beliefs that the 13th is the day that Jesus was crucified, the day Eve gave that infamous apple to Adam, and the day that Cain killed Abel. I don’t know how anyone would know this as the bible doesn’t exactly include a calendar stuck in each version, but I guess people will believe anything if it has a biblical reference in it. To be fair to paranoid bible followers, they are not the only superstitious crowd who made the number 13 a spooky day. The ancient Norse tribes, Egyptians and quite a few other civilizations also feared the 13th of the month.
I know, some of you might say, “You should believe in the curse because where there is smoke, there is fire. All these civilizations feared the number so there must be some truth to its ominous trait.” To this I say, “Grow up. I can firmly attest to the fact that bad luck can happen on any day of the calendar year. If you believe in fate you should know that it doesn’t wait until the 13th to fling crap. Fate can fling crap whenever it wants.”
So, now that you know I don’t believe in the bad luck that the number 13 brings, allow me to fill you in on what does make me shake with fear. Yes, I have fears and mine are far scarier than any 13th fear because my fears can occur on any given day. Maybe they are just waiting to wreak havoc as soon as I walk out the door each morning.
I have a fear that the two cats who like to hang out in my backyard will attack me when I go to put food in the bird feeders. They already hiss at me and they scare my dogs as well. I fear it’s only a matter of time for them to act.
I have a fear that I will never win the Powerball lottery. I have been depending on this win for some time now, and I have to admit, I have only won $10 here or $3 there, and that is not the payout that is going to give me the fun lifestyle I would like to experience just once in my life.
I have a fear that stupid people will rule the earth. I think this could happen. Already, the evidence is there that it is occurring slowly. Don’t believe me? Just watch the Real Housewives of any city reality show. They have all the bucks and power and a combined IQ of — and this is just an estimate – 80. Need more proof of stupid people running the world? FOX news.
I have a fear that they will find out that dark chocolate is not heart healthy.
I have a fear that the Phillies will never win the World Series again. They will always get close but just fail to deliver and Philadelphia will be driven to the brink of madness – not that we aren’t already there, but a further, more dangerous brink.
I have a fear that Jennifer Hudson will sing to me about Weight Watchers for another 20 years. The girl has talent, but enough is enough. Oh, and also that fear includes Marie Osmond for Nutrisystem and any of the Jenny Craig spokespeople. I fear they will never shut up about their damn dieting!
I have a fear that the Mayan calendar will be off by 20 years and just as I am able to retire and move to the beach – Kaboom!
I have a fear that the ultra-conservatives, who each year try to boycott the Girl Scout cookie drive because they feel the organization pushes a feminist and gay-friendly agenda will succeed, and I will not be able to purchase my year’s supply of thin mints.
I have a fear that 50 will no longer be the new 30; it will in fact be the new 60 and then I will be really screwed because I was counting on those extra 20 years to pay stuff off.
Wow, so many fears and so little time. Screw it. Come on Friday the 13th show me what you got!