The TV is my alarm in the morning. It clicks on to tell me the new day has begun. Today, it clicked on to I Love Lucy. I admit that I am a fan of that show but for some reason today, it got me thinking. In this episode, Lucy was starving herself to be in one of Ricky’s shows. Yes, she was trying to get down to 120 pounds and into a size 12 costume so she could do a dancing number with him even though he had already hired another dancer. I am not going into the ridiculousness of this scenario except to say that I am a size 8 and weigh more than 120 pounds. If I lived in Lucy’s day, I would be in a 32 WWW.
I am not bashing myself. It is a medically known fact…well, my doctor’s observation…that if I cut off my head, I would weigh in at nine pounds. Yes, it is her medical opinion that my round head and overabundance of curls is responsible for the other 100+ pounds on my body. Now, when I heard this I was willing to go through the decapitation surgery, but upon further consideration, I thought it might be a tough adjustment to go through life headless.
Anyway, what truly struck me about this show is the ending. In the last scene, after having danced in the show, Lucy is on a stretcher and mumbles to Ricky, “Can I be in your show every night?” And in typical form, Ricky says, “You were wonderful, Honey, but the doctor says you have to stay in bed for three weeks because you are suffering my malnutrition.” Lucy then hands Ethel a key to a janitor’s closet and there we find the girl, who was supposed to do the number with Ricky, tied up and gagged.
This is my problem with this scene: First, this had to be before Lucy had Little Ricky, because no way would a mother get a three-week rest because she is underfed. A mother could have IV tubes coming out of every orifice of her body and she could be on a transplant list, but neither is an excuse to miss her turn driving the carpool.
Second: She kidnapped, assaulted and tied up a young woman to take her part in the show. If that happened today, the media would be all over this. She would be in jail, already convicted in The Huffington Post and Twitter (and in this case, rightfully so) and labeled a psychotic criminal. Who, except that Texas Cheerleader Mom, does this type of thing? And do you know what else? This is not the only felony Lucy has participated in. No, she has wiretapped people without their knowledge, she has hit unsuspecting visitors over the head with blunt instruments, she has sabotaged a boat, she tried to smuggle food from Europe, and she committed grand larceny when she stole John Wayne’s footprints from Grauman’s Chinese Theater…her list of crimes go on and on, and we idolize her. Today, she would be the star of a special installment of Law & Order.
I still love Lucy even if she is a serial criminal. She does makes me laugh, but I think for the next few weeks, I will just use the alarm on my cell phone to wake up. It doesn’t require me to think about anything before I have my coffee. It’s sad to say, but if I think too much this early in the morning, my head hurts all day.