Here I am once again, ready to share my wisdom. I know that you have all been eager for this installment – except for those of you who don’t care one way or another and others who are thinking, “Enough, already!” You don’t count, though.
1. Don’t pick up a quarter from the sidewalk. You don’t know where it’s been. Besides, it’s only a freakin’ quarter. Leave it for someone who cares.
2. Always be willing to admit your age if there is a discount involved.
3. Don’t fall asleep in the movies. You paid for the blasted overpriced ticket; the least you deserve is to see the whole film. Besides, it’s embarrassing to have to ask your friends to explain the plot of something you were just sitting in front of for two hours.
4. If you see something online that you don’t need and never knew existed before you saw it, you are permitted to buy it if it would look great on you or on your living room wall or, in some way, make your life so much easier to deal with. If you don’t buy it, you will keep thinking about it until it bores a hole in your brain. Then you will go back online and look for it, just to find that it is sold out or discontinued, at which point you will kick yourself and cause severe injury. It’s better just to buy it in the first place and avoid all that.
5. Always listen to me, because most of the time I know what I’m talking about. If I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll make something up.
That concludes the latest installment of Kathy’s Points to Remember. Stay tuned for more … or don’t. Whatever.