Sad news from the world of sports: The Lingerie Football League or LFL will not play the 2012 season. While I was not disheartened by this news, many…and I mean many…were. But, for those of you who did not know there was a Lingerie Football League, allow me tell you what you have been missing.
The LFL is a seven-on-seven female league which was formed in 2009. As of 2011, there were 11 teams in the league. The reigning champs of the league are the Los Angeles Temptation. In case anyone is wondering, this is a full-contact sport that employs many of the rules of Arena Football except for a few notable exceptions. One of those exceptions is the uniform.
The female players wear shoulder pads, elbow pads, knee pads, and of course garter belts, bras, panties and a hockey helmet with plastic visors instead of a football helmet with the traditional face mask. And in case you were also wondering, the fan base for this sport is predominantly men – go figure. And for all you new fans, who are ticked off you didn’t see these “football players” in action, don’t be too down as the league will be back in operation for the 2013 season unless the Mayan Calendar thing comes to pass in 2012. Anyway, most of the Lingerie players are not going to just sit on their hands until their next game. No, the league president, which to no one’s surprise is also a man, is launching a publicity tour for the league in Australia and Asia in hopes of establishing franchises on those continents.
For any players who cannot go on the promotional tour, there is no need to worry. Allow me to give you some career advice. Go to Lubbock, Texas and look up Fantasy Maid Services. I have a feeling this company will hire you faster than you can say “Hut-hut!”
Fantasy Maid Service is a new company that hires legitimate housekeepers. The maids will come to your home and do your laundry, iron your clothes, scrub your toilets and dust your furniture. However, they will do all these chores topless or completely nude. And for this show, customers pay $100 per hour. There is no sex involved, just some sick voyeurism as most clients tend not to go to work on the day the housekeeper comes to clean.
Well, Fantasy Maid Service is growing by leaps and bounds…yes, even in super religious Texas… and the Lingerie League Ladies are underemployed, so I say why not put the two together? Come on, no state likes football quite like Texas and apparently, the men there must have a lot of free time on their hands if they stay home to watch their housecleaners clean, so let’s make everyone happy.
For the record, this was my idea and if the LFL and Fantasy Maid Services do get together, I want a big commission. I might not be young enough to sport the uniforms needed to play Lingerie Football or young enough to take on nude housework, but I am young enough to know a good business opportunity when I see one.