Linguistics

For a linguist like myself, one of the most revealing–and often most humorous–aspects of any language are those little idiosyncratic aberrations referred to as adages, aphorisms, and idioms*.  I’m sure you know what I’m referring to, those seemingly innocuous, often colorful expressions most everyone peppers liberally into their speech patterns despite having no idea what they actually mean.  And since the English language is perhaps the most cross-culturally inclusive language currently in use on the planet, it certainly has its share of such oddities.

For example, have you ever used the phrase “Dig your own grave”?  What about “Don’t air your dirty laundry” or “Park your carcass”?   If you did, did you stop to consider their actual meaning before use?  Probably not.  What about “Pretty as a picture,” “You bet your ass,” or “Two left feet”?  Well, it may interest you to know that there are actually many different sources claiming origination of these phrases–some that appear to have genuine historical merit, some that might well be utter bull shit.  Here are just a few that fall into one category or the other–I’ll leave it to you to determine which is which!

Dig your own grave:

As legend goes, when the Black Death struck Europe during the mid-14^th century, the economy, of course, sustained an horrific blow.  Obviously, those who fell to the plague are to be pitied for the horrendous agony they no doubt endured from the moment they contracted the deadly disease to the final moment of death, but by comparison, many of those left behind suffered far more dire consequences.

The water became undrinkable, food became increasingly scarce, looting and pillaging became commonplace, and to make matters worse, surviving family members were held legally responsible for disposing of their dead loved-ones’ infected bodies.  Then as the death toll rose, taxes skyrocketed and thousands of families lost their property as one by one they too were stricken, with surviving family members forced to use their last shilling to pay for burial.

Capitalizing on this miserable state of affairs (there are, of course, always those anxious to benefit from the misfortune of others), many who found themselves immune to the deadly virus went in the “corpse disposal business,” contracting to be paid in advance for removing the putrid bodies before they decomposed.  Subsequently, many lords and wealthy land owners chose to contract for their timely disposal rather than leave the burden to family members after they’d died.

But as the death toll reached astounding numbers, there simply weren’t enough of the healthy to handle all the dead, so the healthy further capitalized on the wealthy by requiring the dying to dig their own graves while still physically able.  Thus, it became common for such business transactions to go something like: “I’m in need of your services, sir.  How much are you asking to move my body to the grave?”

The body-collector would ask, “You dig your own grave?”

“Yes, I’ll see to it that my grave is dug.”

“Very well then, six pence, three.”  At which time money would change hands.

 

Don’t air your dirty laundry:

This old admonition is said to be a Gypsy proverb passed down through the generations for longer than any Gypsy can remember, thought to date back to the first Gypsies to leave India.

Said to have the keenest sense of smell of any people, Gypsies live by the code that if you leave your dirty laundry to air-out–as is the custom with many wandering people–your enemies will catch wind of your presence and track you down!  Alleged to have the olfactory capacity to do so themselves, traditional Gypsy stories are filled with cautionary tales of those who have ignored this warning and fallen prey to enemies and outsiders who caught wind of their garments and were then able to sneak up on them in the darkness to strangle them in their sleep or steal their possessions.

Likening themselves to bloodhounds, Gypsies profess to being able to distinguish not only a Gypsy from members of others cultures, but discriminate between individual tribes–just by the scent of the laundry they air!

Park your carcass:

Although most Americans think of Henry Ford when thinking of the first American-made automobiles, it was actually Random E. Olds who pioneered car production in the US, starting in 1897.

Originally located in Lansing, Michigan, Oldsmobile Motor Works was moved to Detroit two years later, producing a phenomenal 425 autos a year by 1901, making the Oldsmobile the top-selling automobile for its first few years in production.  But the phrase “park your carcass” may have played a major role in creating that popularity!

While toying with names for his motorized vehicle, Olds considered several, but fancied one in particular: the combining of the Middle English word for “cart,” carre, and the Old French word for “chariot,” karros, forming what he thought was a clever and alluring description of his new motorized conveyance, the “carre-karros” or Carkaros.  And he was just about to attach that label to every vehicle coming off the assembly line when he chanced to meet with a group of prospective buyers interested in transporting several dozen models to California to open the country’s first automobile distributorship.

Having written the name on a sheet of paper, Olds proudly presented it to one of the buyers to see his initial reaction–but certainly wasn’t prepared for the response he received.  Mouthing the name on the paper he held in his hands, the buyer looked up at Olds in astonishment, saying, “Mr. Olds!  No matter how you spell it, is still says old dead animal!  Nobody’s gonna wanna drive an Old Carcass!  Imagine saying, ‘Where should I park my Old Carcass?’”

Quickly seeing the short-comings of his idea, Random responded, “Very well gentlemen.  Then we’ll just call it the Olds-Mobile!” The rest, of course, is automotive history.  But just imagine if the original name had stuck!

 

Pretty as a picture:

While this seemingly innocent expression may sound self-explanatory, it seems a little historical background is called for to fully understand the significance of this folksy, old phrase that is said to have originated in the time of America’s expansion westward.

In the early days of photography, average people didn’t own photographic equipment.  It was quite expensive and required formal film-processing knowledge.  Thus, photographers rarely took photos of townsfolk for free, usually requiring some type of payment even if only enough to cover the cost of film and chemicals, but often accepting services like free lodging or meals.

However, since subjects were paying cold, hard cash for the photographic experience, it quickly became tradition to dress in one’s Sunday best, often taking hours to prepare.  (A veritable ritual ensued!)  Men typically got haircuts and borrowed store-bought suits, while women put on their best attire–which was usually their funeral dress.

But there’s more.

Wanting to portray the life-like, picture-perfect image of beauty common to the times, the town undertaker was typically called upon to make them up with rouge, lipstick, and eyebrow pencil (men, too), paid a few pennies for his particular expertise.  (Undertakers were essentially the first make-up artists!)  So, by the time the shutter was finally snapped, the subjects rarely looked anything like their living selves!

Thus, looking “pretty as a picture” actually meant looking nothing like yourself and most often dressed as if you were about to be laid out in a pine box!

 

(You) bet your ass:

Though many accounts of this ancient tale exist throughout the world, the Sanskrit version attributed to 3^rd century BCE India is said to be the original.

According to this parable, three brothers, Pingalaka, Sanjivaka, and Karataka, left their family home to seek their fortune to the north, beyond the great valley.

Taking just their clothes, tools their father had given them, and sacks of food their mother had prepared, they loaded their donkeys and set off.

After only a few days’ journey, they came upon a wondrous river which, to their amazement, was covered with large nuggets of glistening silver.  And when they looked up the mountainside, they saw a large silver vain so rich that it nearly blinded them in the sun.  Rejoicing arm-in-arm, they happily hurried up the mountain to claim their prize.

Dumping out all the food their mother had prepared for them, the three used the tools their father had given them and hurriedly filled their sacks.  All that day and the next they loaded their bags, feeling quite pleased with themselves, giddy as they worked.  By the third day, however, when hunger and fatigue began to overtake them, they started to regret having been so hasty with their mother’s gift of food.  It was at this time that the youngest brother, Karataka, revealed that he hadn’t thrown all of his food away.  In fact, he’d kept one full sack which he’d tied high in the branches of a shady tree.

“Well, share it!” demanded Pingalaka, the eldest of the three.

Quickly considering his position, Karataka said, “Well, if you hadn’t been so greedy for silver, you would have saved some food, too!”

“I demand that you share!” said Pingalaka.

“No, I will not!” said Karataka.  “I have only enough to see me down the mountain and home again.”

Scheming with his older brother, Sanjivaka, the middle brother said, “How about we play a game of chance for your food?  If you win, you keep your food and one sack of silver from each of us, which we will gladly carry back down the mountain for you.  If you lose, you give us your food and we will owe you nothing.”

Karataka thought for a moment and then conceded.

Playing a simple game requiring each player to choose which clinched hand a pebble is being held, the crafty older brothers were able to not only trick Karataka out of his food, but quickly won much of his silver as well.

Finally figuring out how they were tricking him, Karataka said, “Shall we play more?”

Not believing their luck (or their little brother’s stupidity), the older two said, “Sure!  We’ll give you the chance to win back your silver!”

To this Karataka said, “No, I do not wish to play for your silver, but will play for your asses.”

In disbelief at their brother’s foolhardiness, Sanjivaka said, “You would wager your silver against our flea-bitten asses?”

Karataka said, “Yes!  You bet your asses!”

The three shook hands.

Now wise to their method of deception, Karataka quickly won both their asses.  He now had half the silver he started with and all three donkeys.

“Foolish Karataka!” the elder brothers laughed.  “You have lost half your silver and still you seem happy!  We have taken your food and kept all our silver!  You are truly foolish beyond all fools!”

To this Karataka replied, “Perhaps.  But how will you now get your silver off the mountain?!”

Two left feet:

While this expression is commonly used to describe someone who is clumsy and dances as if they had two left feet, in several parts of the US, urban legends abound about individuals who were actually born with two left feet!

In Memphis, Tennessee, for example, there’s the legend of “Left Feet Larry,” a guitarist who had one of the most skilled pair of hands ever to play the blues, but had to put both legs in one pant leg when he performed to keep his feet from tapping out two different rhythms!

And then there’s Laverne “Lefty” Goodleaf of Saginaw, Michigan, known for getting around town on a bicycle she rode side-saddle with both feet on one pedal so she could keep from riding in continuous circles!  (Rumor says she managed to ride out of town one day and just never returned.)

But perhaps the most interesting character was a man who called himself “Leapin’ Leonard,” who apparently succeeded in starting a rather catchy little dance craze called the Left Leg Leap back in 1958 in Spokane, Washington.

While few current Spokane residents can remember much about the dance itself, I was able to locate a photo of Leonard demonstrating his signature “leap” at a high school dance, in the school’s yearbook the Tamarack.  And from what I could tell, it would appear that Leonard may have indeed been on his way to phenomenal success if he hadn’t made one fatal mistake.

Apparently responding to a suggestion from the crowd to “put your best foot forward!” Leonard became momentarily confused, his feet became entangled, and he fell from the bandstand, breaking seven vertebrae!  People say Leonard never walked again.

Sometime in the early 60s Leonard just disappeared from sight and was never heard from again–gone but certainly not forgotten!

*From The Book of Adages, Aphorisms, Idioms, and Colorful Expressions, by author James R. Coffey.