New Line of Bacterial Soaps

In response to new research confirming the “hygiene hypothesis”, which theorizes that asthma, many allergies, and other illnesses are aided by immune systems which have operated in too clean of an environment and are thus unprepared to correctly identify threats to the body, S.C. Johnson has introduced a new line of immunity-boosting bacterial soaps.

This new line of bacterial soaps will recreate germs once found throughout society before avoiding germs became fashionable. Initially, three varieties will be marketed long enough to gauge interest and effectiveness. In June, local store shelves will start stocking “Garden Hose Backwash”, “Bathroom Doorknob”, and “Kitchen Dishrag”. If the line proves effective at boosting immunity, more advanced blends will be released, including “Moist Handshake”, “Toddler Booger”, and for super immunity boosting, “Raw Sewage”.

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