Newt’s expert advice for guys who are busted cheating on their wife:
Wife: “Why are you having sex with that woman who is not me?”
You: “This is ridiculous! This is the kind of harassment that makes it difficult for people to find decent spouses!
You: “And that fact that you bring this up right before
__ Christmas
__ New Year’s Eve
__ Valentine’s Day
__ St. Patrick’s Day
__ Easter
__ Memorial Day
__ Fourth of July
__ Halloween
__ Thanksgiving
__ Your Birthday
__ My Birthday
__ Pearl Harbor Day
__ Ramadan
__ Flag Day
__ Yom Kippur
__ Boxing Day
__ Cinco de Mayo
__ Hannukah
__ Arbor Day
__ Kwanzaa
__ Vernal Equinox
__ Winter Solstice
__ Friday
is TRULY DESPICABLE!!!”
And if your wife is the kind of person who might vote for Newt Gingrich, she might even buy it.
To think I was going to call Newt for some marriage and relationship advice! Maybe I should just call the Duggars instead. I am thoroughly confused by the moral right.
HAHAHAHAHA! Cinco de Mayo I think one could claim, “Plausible Deniabilty.”
Wife: I’ll get the divorce papers ready. I want to search for a decent spouse myself, and I’m sure not finding him HERE.