It only seems like a few days ago, that stores were playing Christmas music, straight after Halloween. Don’t get me wrong, I like Christmas music. That’s exactly WHY I resent them for blasting it out so early and making me bilious by the sheer notion of hearing Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by the time the festive season actually starts.
Now, most of us love our moms. They’re always after our best interests.
If they don’t think the person we are sharing our genitals with is good for us, they find a way of telling us.
If they think we need our chores taken care of, they turn up with a duster, and a box of detergent.
If they think we need fattening up, they’ll pop round to our place with a Tupperware full of food, and stick it in our freezer.
Overall, they’re pretty good to us. And then they screw it all right up, by doing something stupid like this…….
I’ve just read a new survey that shows us exactly WHY this music is creeping into our shopping malls earlier and earlier. And the answer is… your mom, that total selfish bitch.
The survey found 77% of mothers say they LOVE Christmas music all day, every day, wherever they go. And they don’t care how early it starts.
Since mothers tend to do the majority of Christmas shopping for their families, it makes sense to put them in the mood as soon as possible.
Goddamn it, mom. I hate you. Get out of my life. Keep your opinions on Mandy, my $35 hooker, to yourself. Take your duster, and your disgusting plastic container filled with last weeks left overs, and shove it right up your old lady ass. Oh, but leave that box of detergent. I love how soft it makes my underpants feel, against my ‘down-there’ skin.
If you liked this article, you might like “A New Website Interprets Texts From Gus To Decide If They Like You”, and also, “Reasons It Might Be Good To Have A Small Penis.”