ONE BODY – ONE FLESH | HumorOutcasts

ONE BODY – ONE FLESH

May 25, 2012
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I love food and food loves me.  It’s like we are married, united, one body, one flesh.  I really understand the one body one flesh union as I look at it every morning when I am preparing to go to work.  It is a mass of hills and valleys from top to toe going nowhere but everywhere at one in the same time in its complexity.  Boy!  That’s really deep.

I honor all food kingdoms.  My favorite ones are the animal kingdom, the plant kingdom, the fish kingdom, the vitamin kingdom, the mineral kingdom, and the insect kingdom.  I have to include the insect kingdom because one time I ate a chocolate covered ant.  It was delicious.  Chocolate enhances everything.

Growing up my favorite dog Sammy was my trusted companion.  He loved unconditionally and was my true confidant.  He knew all of my secrets but never said a word to anyone.  He also ate milk bones.  We both shared one on occasion.  It, too, was delicious and I figured if it was good enough for Sammy it was good enough for me.  I don’t know what food kingdom that would be, but who cares!  It was a total bonding experience.

In the animal kingdom I like beef, pork, and chicken the best.  I never acquired a taste for lamb.  I tried it a few times, but what lamb in its right mind would say, “Serve me with mint jelly.”  I like rabbit, too. It tastes like chicken.  Doesn’t everything?   One time my father shot a few squirrels and Mom just had to cook them.  Believe me, they were tougher than beef jerky and they did not taste like chicken!  So much for that theory.

Vegetables are part of my diet. Growing up we had wonderful gardens every summer and grew a variety of delicious vegetables.  One veggie we did not grow was Brussels sprouts.  If there is one vegetable that I really do not care for it is Brussels sprouts.  I have tried to eat them many times and have some super recipes for cooking them, but the only problem is they still taste like Brussels sprouts.  Now I like some of the other foods in the Cultivar family such as cabbage, collard greens, broccoli and kale. Poor Brussels sprout.  It makes me sad to have to reject you from my diet.  Maybe a little poem will help to sooth my distaste for you.

ODE TO THE BRUSSELS SPROUT
Oh my little Brussels sprout so round, so firm, so fat
Growing on a stalk of green rising up to the blue, blue sky
Proudly sharing your budding beauty for all to marvel at
Knowing that our friendship wavers makes me sigh
I wish we could be friends my little cabbage mini-me
But every time I eat you it makes me want to flee.
Will we ever bond in our culinary expression?
Can I ever hope for you to be my favorite veggie?
These are my honest thoughts and true confession

Robert Sneed

As a retired Chiropractor now working in the hospitality field, laughter is indeed the stabilizer in my life. My joy is to share this humor with you. Read my new book, "Unexpected Performance" to enjoy the many interesting and crazy events that take place as an audio host including the rather unusual production of a Segway Ballet.

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7 Responses to ONE BODY – ONE FLESH

  1. May 27, 2012 at 10:14 am

    I ate Brussels sprouts a lot as a kid, but I rarely find them offered in restaurants. Perhaps if we had more odes like yours, we could spark interest in this forgotten veggie.

  2. Kathy Minicozzi
    May 25, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    As a fellow omnivore, I applaud you.(1)

    Am I the only human being in the world who actually likes Brussels sprouts? Does that make me weird? Is anyone willing to pay me money to use me in a study?

    I do love your poem, though.

    (1) I draw the line, though, at insects (with or without chocolate) and dog biscuits.

    • Robert Sneed
      May 26, 2012 at 7:00 pm

      Hi Kathy,
      So good to hear from you. Actually I do have a great recipe for Brussels sprouts which I would be glad to send you. Shoot me an email at rsneednc@hotmail.com and I will scan it for you. Thanks for your support.

      Robert

  3. Deb Martin-Webster
    May 25, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    I too am not fond of Brussel sprouts. I applaud you for writing such a lovely and heartfelt Ode to the little bastards! Fun article Robert!!

    • Robert Sneed
      May 26, 2012 at 7:02 pm

      Hey Deb,

      Thanks for your support on HO. Glad my article gave you a little laughter over this weekend. See you at work Monday.

      Robert

  4. May 25, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    I never knew anyone who wrote a brussel sprout poem. Now, I am impressed. 🙂

    • Robert Sneed
      May 26, 2012 at 7:04 pm

      Hi Donna,
      Thanks so much for helping me get this article posted. Glad you liked the poem. It was fun to write. Thanks for your support.

      Robert



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