Pat Robertson: Marital Advice Gone Wrong | HumorOutcasts

Pat Robertson: Marital Advice Gone Wrong

September 12, 2012

© by dno1967b

Very few people will be taking Pat Robertson’s marriage advice seriously…we hope. On a recent broadcast on the “700  Club”, an “elightened” husband wrote in and asked Robertson’s advice on how to make his wife toe the line and see him as head of the house.

Robertson, who is considered a highly moral man by his flock, did not admonish the sexist husband for not seeing his wife as his equal. Instead, he offered this commentary:

“Well, you could become a Muslim — then you could beat her,”

Okay, everyone close your mouths because there is more.  In case you might think that Robertson caught this blunder and tried to make amends, think again. After laughing about this comment with his female co-host, The televangelist continued with his thought and said,

“I think this man’s gotta stand up to her and he can’t let her get away with this stuff,” Robertson said. “I don’t think we condone wife-beating these days but something’s got to be done.”

While non-radical Muslims everywhere are going, “What?”, I too am perplexed by these comments. I might be a little misinformed  about Christian teaching, but exactly when did Jesus say beating your wife is okay? I can’t seem to remember learning this. Maybe while everyone was focusing on eating their miracle loaves and fishes, Jesus just snuck that rule in there when no one was listening. Or maybe it’s a missing Beatitude or the less known Silver Rule. Yes, that sounds logical. 

 Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Silver Rule – Beat your wife senseless if she doesn’t think you are king.

Well, do not worry if you missed this important broadcast. Rumor has it that on next week’s show, Robertson will instruct his flock on other controversial domestic issues such as when it’s okay to knock off the elderly and infirmed and how to blowtorch puppies to rid them them of demons.

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books ( As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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10 Responses to Pat Robertson: Marital Advice Gone Wrong

  1. September 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    I know it’s wrong and I know a couple of massive wrongs don’t make a right but I would like to see this idiots wife beat him up!

    • September 12, 2012 at 1:04 pm

      You know, that might not be such a bad idea. It might knock some sense into him. But that is not the correct thing to do – officially.

  2. September 12, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Is that a picture of Pat slapping his knee? I feel sorry for his knees because Ol’ Pat gets of some heavy-duty knee slappers at times.

    • September 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm

      “gets off” not “get of..”
      Oh, no, now I’ll need to explain the concept of Pat “getting off.”

      • September 12, 2012 at 12:20 pm

        No worries, Stan. I got it!!! 🙂 I will let you know if Pat writes us back.

  3. lbwoodgate
    September 12, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I really appreciate Pat Robertson and his nonsense commentaries like this. Each time he opens his yap in this fashion a few more people contemplating whether or not to be baptized into the faith are saved from making such a dreadful decision.

    The fewer traditional, fundamentalist people of faith we have, the better off this planet will be. IMO.

  4. Phoenix Emrys
    September 12, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Just when you think these people can’t possibly get more absurd….

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