Reconsidering the Public Option

The public restroom gets a bad rap. When one tries to conjure up the most disgusting place they can imagine and the back seat of Tiger Woods’ Buick Rendezvous (quite aptly named, as it turns out) does not immediately come to mind, the public restroom is a close second. But there are many things about a public restroom that makes it far superior to your bathroom at home. Let’s see how things stack up.

Cleanliness: There is a common perception that the public restroom is quite disgusting. This may be just that you don’t know the disgusting people who use a public restroom, while you do know the disgusting people who use your bathroom at home. And somehow this makes things better. But at least someone periodically cleans the public restroom.
Advantage: Draw

Reading material: At home, you can stock your bathroom with whatever you wish. I read news magazines, while I have a friend who keeps a stack of lingerie magazines. I guess he really likes to shop for his wife! In the public restroom, the reading materials might not be so timely as recent periodicals. You have to use whatever is randomly available. Which might be an old section of newspaper or some random graffiti with an unknown date of origin. “Raven” might have, at one time, been great to call for a good time, but by now she’s probably middle-aged with kids.
Advantage: Home bathroom

Flushing power: In the public restroom, the toilets cannot be blocked, outside of diving in. In most cases, once the handle is pulled, not even light in a three foot radius can escape it. Just don’t accidentally drop your iPhone in there. I hear you can’t insure those. And make sure your kids clip a safety line on to the handicap bar before getting anywhere near one of those .
Advantage: Public restroom

TP Supply: In the public restroom, you are supplied either a long pole with multiple rolls on it or a gigantic wheel of paper the size of a mill stone. The downside to this is that if you do run out, there’s no “cabinet of hope” around to reach for some backup.
Advantage: Public restroom

Aroma: In the public restroom, every 15 minutes a summer’s breeze is pumped into your breathing space in one ounce increments. At home, you might have some matches handy if you’re lucky. But usually by the time you need them, it’s too late. And your home bathroom more likely has a limited air volume.
Advantage: Public restroom

Plumbing fixtures: Only in the public restroom are you supplied with the wonder that is the urinal. Hey, they’re easy. You don’t have to touch anything on them, so there are no diseases debunked by snopes.com to pick up. There’s no toilet seat to lift up to pacify any angry harpies that you may live with. You barely have to do anything. Plus, most of these flush by themselves. Then again, you don’t usually have strangers with their pants down standing next to you, asking you about the weather.
Advantage: Draw

Clean-up: In the public restroom, if something should somehow escape the black hole that is the public restroom toilet and overflow on to the floor, it flows into a conveniently-located floor drain. In your bathroom, you have no drain, so it creeps out into the hall and ruins your hardwood floors. Or at least wakes up your very annoyed dog.
Advantage: Public restroom

Friendly helpers: In the public restroom, often there is a man standing nearby who turns on the water for you and hands you a paper towel . And then looks longingly at your wallet in an attempt to be paid. In your bathroom, the creepy guy is one of your kids. They don’t give you any towels or turn the water on for you. And sometimes they run off with your TP because they think they’re damn comedians. And they want to be paid, too. At least your bathroom has a lock on the door.
Advantage: Home bathroom