Replacement Refs, ESPN and the End of the World? | HumorOutcasts

Replacement Refs, ESPN and the End of the World?

September 26, 2012

Football_Referee © by avinashkunnath

I am pretty damn sick of the “replacement ref” issue in the NFL. I understand the officiating has been dismal at times, but unlike the rest of the universe, I did not expect anything more. I did not expect retired refs from junior colleges or Division III leagues or Pop Warner or wherever the hell they came from to be as good as “real” referees from the pros.  Although to be honest, I never thought the “real” officials were anything to write home about either.

Anyway, everything apparently came to a head with a last-second call between the Packers and Seahawks. I am not going to argue the call either way.  Frankly, I just don’t care. Someone won and someone lost, and I bet if the team who lost played a little more carefully, the game would not have come down to the last-second of play.  Oops, I hear yelling in my direction from the Cheesehead section.  Go ahead and yell, but guess what, you are not getting the game back so you are going to have to go on!

I am rather surprised that many of us have forgotten the many horrendous officiating incidents that sent players whining to the NFL office in previous seasons. I know players like to whine about everything, but there were some doozy referee screw ups that deserved some complaints over the years.  And in case anyone doubts, I have included this link which tells the story of one of the greatest officiating gaffes of all time which took place in 2006 and allowed the Pittsburgh Steelers to “steal”  the Super Bowl away from the Seattle Seahawks.  Yes, we have to love that bit of irony that the Seahawks were on the losing end of that debacle .

Honestly, I don’t care about that game either.  Okay, so what do I care about?  I am going to tell you, but don’t call me any names until I am done.  I care about the blatant disrespect and cruelty that the media, especially ESPN, coaches, players and fans have hoisted upon these poor guys who have come into this league to officiate with virtually no experience.  I know; I am being sappy and the NFL is no place for saps, but come on; the only reason there is a season going on now is because of the amateur refs. A thank you or two their way would be nice. Maybe someone out there can offer to buy these poor refs a cup of coffee,  a new whistle since many have worn out the ones the NFL gave them, or at least a few  free lessons to ref school in case they are needed again down the road. The point is any little gift would be nice.

This entire ref situation has me wondering what has happened to the human race?  I am starting to think that this Rapture thing might be the real deal.  No one possesses the tiniest piece of compassion or empathy for anyone anymore, and that lack of compassion is supposedly  a clear sign of impending world doom although I am not sure why the entire world has to go if it just proves to be American football fans and the NFL who are the schmucks.

If the Rapture thing is upon us, then according to experts, the great Satan is already walking on Earth too, and I would like to hazard a guess as to who the Big Bad Kahuna is. According to the Discovery Channel, Satan is supposed to be someone who gains our trust and devotion and preaches about what is best for the world while mingling with the general population.  No, my guess is NOT Mitt Romney, but I can see why you would go there. No, my guess is the head guy at ESPN.  I don’t know his name, but between him and his broadcasting minions, they have everyone sucked into believing that whatever they announce as news or facts is true, and that is so not true.

So, because fans and the media have lost all sense of decency, I think it’s time for a new plan to ward off the possible demise of the planet.  I say send the replacement refs home whether or not there is an agreement between the real refs and the NFL.  Let’s all do without a football season, and see where that gets us.  Of course, that means that the players, coaches and of course, the cheerleaders will not be paid. Neither will the television crews or the videotape people.

Strangely, the only ones not affected by a “no football” season will be the sports broadcasters who will just follow something else like soccer or NASCAR – see that Satan thing is starting to look possible, right? If the broadcasters are Hell’s Henchmen, they can make a national sport out of anything.  I smell a resurgence in Dodge Ball or Badminton. Badminton got attention in the Olympics. Maybe it’s time for this sport to go mainstream.

Honestly, there is so much potential out there, ESPN might not want the NFL back.  Maybe, no one needs the NFL. Maybe, all we need is ESPN to think for us, tell us what we should do with our Sundays, and decide who we should despise. That could work.

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books ( As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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3 Responses to Replacement Refs, ESPN and the End of the World?

  1. September 26, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Great post, Donna. How ’bout them Cheeseheads, can’t live with them, can’t pop them into a pizza oven. Seriously, the craziest of crazy NFL fans. So crazy they made my book “Sports Fans are Crazy” twice.

  2. September 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    I like your idea about sending the replacement refs home but not paying the cheerleaders means there would be no cheerleaders and I just can’t get down with that!

    • September 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

      Well, as long as your priorities are in order, that is good Bill! I can live with that.

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