Revel In The Embarrassment Your Body Causes

The other day at the gym I read an essay in a magazine. In the piece, the author was lamenting the fact that “her body embarrassed her.” Well, I thought to myself, there’s no need to be glum because that’s exactly what our bodies are meant to do – embarrass us.

 Think about our friends in the animal world. Their bodies are designed to allow them to do amazing things like swim a thousand miles or survive in the open in zero-degree weather. Our bodies, on the other hand, are designed to embarrass us by freezing to death in a snow bank after Last Call. That, incidentally, is why we’re killing off all the animals – we’re horribly jealous of their shame-free bodies.

How else can you explain the fact that after a man loses the hair on his head, the hair in his nose and ears starts growing like mad? That’s not a coincidence.

Need more proof? A few years ago I was skiing down a mountain. At one point my body turned left but my beer belly swung right. I threw my back out hard and spent the next hour creeping down the hill using tiny steps. Lightning bolts of pain raced up my back whenever I bent forward. For the next three weeks I could only go to the bathroom standing up (if you catch my drift).

Or this. I once went to a clinic to get a shot for an infected toe. When the nurse stuck a needle in my arm my eyeballs rolled back in my head. I woke up a minute later to find that I had totally wet my pants (thanks Starbucks!). Needless to say, I had a free seat next to me for the entire bus ride home. Nice.

And I’m not even gonna talk about the big toenail on my right foot, lest the CDC finds out about it.

The point is this: we have something funny and unique among all life-forms. So revel in the embarrassment your body causes, because it is intentional. It’s all part of the big Master Plan of being human.

Share this Post:

8 thoughts on “Revel In The Embarrassment Your Body Causes”

  1. When my cat walks through the apartment on her four feet, she is grace personified. When I walk through the apartment on my two feet, I am clumping around trying not to bump into something.

    On the other hand, those opposable thumbs come in pretty handy, although my cat’s retractable claws could be useful, too.

  2. You see, God really slipped up on the near perfect human body. Toe nails – rubbish. Teeth – needs too much maintainence. Nose hair – never shows up until long after you’ve left the factory. Should I get lawyer?

  3. I think I’ve found a way around this though I can’t say I’ve ever tested it. We need to let our body die a few times. Only in death will it realize that the brain is the real boss and then we’ll see who embarrasses who!

Comments are closed.