Revel In The Embarrassment Your Body Causes | HumorOutcasts

Revel In The Embarrassment Your Body Causes

December 5, 2012

The other day at the gym I read an essay in a magazine. In the piece, the author was lamenting the fact that “her body embarrassed her.” Well, I thought to myself, there’s no need to be glum because that’s exactly what our bodies are meant to do – embarrass us.

 Think about our friends in the animal world. Their bodies are designed to allow them to do amazing things like swim a thousand miles or survive in the open in zero-degree weather. Our bodies, on the other hand, are designed to embarrass us by freezing to death in a snow bank after Last Call. That, incidentally, is why we’re killing off all the animals – we’re horribly jealous of their shame-free bodies.

How else can you explain the fact that after a man loses the hair on his head, the hair in his nose and ears starts growing like mad? That’s not a coincidence.

Need more proof? A few years ago I was skiing down a mountain. At one point my body turned left but my beer belly swung right. I threw my back out hard and spent the next hour creeping down the hill using tiny steps. Lightning bolts of pain raced up my back whenever I bent forward. For the next three weeks I could only go to the bathroom standing up (if you catch my drift).

Or this. I once went to a clinic to get a shot for an infected toe. When the nurse stuck a needle in my arm my eyeballs rolled back in my head. I woke up a minute later to find that I had totally wet my pants (thanks Starbucks!). Needless to say, I had a free seat next to me for the entire bus ride home. Nice.

And I’m not even gonna talk about the big toenail on my right foot, lest the CDC finds out about it.

The point is this: we have something funny and unique among all life-forms. So revel in the embarrassment your body causes, because it is intentional. It’s all part of the big Master Plan of being human.

Thomas Sullivan

Thomas Sullivan is the author of So Much Time, So Little Change (a book of essays published by Wayman Publishing). It is available at Amazon in print and Kindle. Thomas lives in Seattle.

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8 Responses to Revel In The Embarrassment Your Body Causes

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    December 10, 2012 at 10:29 am

    When my cat walks through the apartment on her four feet, she is grace personified. When I walk through the apartment on my two feet, I am clumping around trying not to bump into something.

    On the other hand, those opposable thumbs come in pretty handy, although my cat’s retractable claws could be useful, too.

  2. Deb Martin-Webster
    December 7, 2012 at 8:02 am

    I try not to look at my body anymore. Dim lighting is my BFF.

  3. December 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

    The body is just one cause of embarrassment; the brain can cause much more! Humility lessons abound.

  4. December 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

    You see, God really slipped up on the near perfect human body. Toe nails – rubbish. Teeth – needs too much maintainence. Nose hair – never shows up until long after you’ve left the factory. Should I get lawyer?

  5. December 6, 2012 at 6:57 am

    I forgot to comment yesterday here! I loved this one too Thomas! What is comes down to for me: Perfection overrated and denial very much underrated

  6. December 5, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that my body hates me and is trying to kill me.

  7. December 5, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I think I’ve found a way around this though I can’t say I’ve ever tested it. We need to let our body die a few times. Only in death will it realize that the brain is the real boss and then we’ll see who embarrasses who!

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      December 10, 2012 at 10:30 am

      You know, this makes sense in some illogical kind of way.

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