The Bacon Shortage: What Can Men Do?

Tofu bacon being fried © by Compassionate Action for Animals

Men, be brave. I have disheartening news. According to the NPA or the National Pig Association of Great Britain, there will be a worldwide bacon shortage next year.  The US pig farmers concur. Apparently, drought conditions have made it too expensive to buy and feed pigs, a situation which has brought us to the brink of porcine disaster.

The thought of no bacon has sent many men into a tailspin as the male species seems particularly devoted to this cured meat. Women, we can deal as we always do; we can do turkey bacon. But fear not Men!  There are solutions on the horizon:   Tofu makers are already preparing for the pork-product plight and are gearing up to make enough soy bacon to meet the demands of bacon lovers everywhere as are the makers of Beggin’ Strips dog treats.  So that you can make an educated and logical choice as to which product best works for you, I have prepared a table that highlights the positives of each product. I hope it helps.

  Tofu Beggin’ Strips
Looks Like Bacon: NO. They make it long and thin but you know it is a cheap imitation of real bacon. It’s like they didn’t even try to make it look real. YES…well, more real than the Tofu crap.
Smells like Bacon: NO, it smells like nothing except maybe a wet dishtowel. Sort of. It has the distinct aroma of bacon with maybe a hint of Dog Chow thrown in, but it’s passable if you are desperate.
Tastes Like Bacon: Not in your wildest dreams. Even if you visualize eating your favorite brand of bacon while listening to  bacon-sizzling sounds that you downloaded on your iPod will you be able to convince your brain and taste buds you are eating real bacon. If you are truly desperate and have been without bacon for at least three weeks, Beggin’ Strips might work. They will fill the void, but if you truly feel that big a void for bacon, I’m guessing you live alone.
Healthy for you: Absolutely.  There is nothing healthier. Yes, if have four paws, hump furniture and want to answer to the name Fido.


I guess bacon- loving men have some thinking to do.  Do you go with healthy Tofu and use the bacon shortage as a means to re-evaluate your diet and improve your health OR  do you go with the Beggin’ Strips and  take a risk that a secret ingredient in the dog treats will inspire you to drool, lick yourself and ask your neighbor’s dog FiFi out for a date.  If it makes you feel better, 9 out of 10 men surveyed,  still chose the Beggin’ Treats despite the risks. Why am I not surprised?

Share this Post:

6 thoughts on “The Bacon Shortage: What Can Men Do?”

  1. I’ve tried the soy bacon, total no go. Thinking of trying the Beggin Strips next. What we need is pork barrel spending by congress to start a pig cloning program pronto.

  2. If it looks remotely like bacon and says “bacon” somewhere on a packet, it’ll work for me! What I don’t know doesn’t hurt me and that’s a lot of stuff but sure I’m happy and sure isn’t that all that really matters at the end of the day?

    1. I do like your idea of buying ownership in a hog, but I think if I owned one, I would have a tough time selling it for bacon. But I will do what I can to help your stock go up Mike!!!

  3. Maybe I could sell fractional ownership in a hog, that we could butcher and cure into bacon when the market skyrockets!

    BTW, this is happening to beef, as well! For the same reason, the feed has gotten to expensive, so many are selling their cattle now, meaning the supplies will dwindle later on.

    It’s the perfect time to go vegetarian! 🙂

Comments are closed.