I watch the Investigation Discovery Channel. There. I said it. My shameful secret is out.
I am an educated person. I’m supposed to be spending my TV time on PBS and other stations with edifying content. Sometimes I do — a lot, in fact. But there are times when nothing but a good session of lowbrow dreck will do. It’s like being offered coq au vin and fennel salad when you have a craving for a Big Mac with fries. The classy stuff can wait.
So here I am, flopped into my overstuffed chair with my feet up on an ottoman, surfing cable TV channels. There is nothing good on. So I go to a place where I know I can be entertained without putting my brain to too much trouble: the ID Channel. All of their stories are true, complete with interviews of family, friends and anyone who survived whatever dirty deed went down. So it’s not like I will be watching fiction, which is what I would get on Masterpiece Theater. This is real-life stuff. It might even give me something to write about.
Ooh! This is going to be a good one! A woman meets a handsome doctor and they fall in love, even though he has a reputation for screwing any woman who will let him anywhere near him. I love these huge red flags right in the beginning. There’s no mystery, just a detail-laden account of who, where, why, how, and the police work that eventually puts the callous cad away.
I settle down with the remote control and some Nabisco Fig Newtons and prepare to give the story of Dr. Don Juan and his trusting, loyal wife my full attention. The poor, innocent woman really believes that her husband has had an epiphany and become monogamous just because he fell so hard for her. If she can believe that, I have a bridge I could sell her.
The story inches forward, one luridly narrated scene after another, punctuated by percussive music. The doctor who can’t keep it in his pants soon gets bored with monogamy. He has a harem of mistresses, a couple of whom have also fallen in love with him. The wife finds out, calls a divorce lawyer and gets killed. The guy puts on a great act of cooperation with the police, including throwing suspicion on a couple of his besotted mistresses. After the women turn on him, and the police finally figure out that they have been conned, he ends up being tried for murder and put in jail for at least 25 years. Obviously, his medical career is over and his options will be limited from now on.
Okay. That’s enough lurid real-life crime for one night.
Oh, wait! Deadly Women is on next! Well, maybe I’ll watch one more program. Where are my Fig Newtons?
 Sometimes the perpetrator is a woman, in which case she would be the dastardly dame.