A few years ago I helped a friend move and picked up an umbrella that her daughter no longer wanted. Testing out the girl’s umbrella, I quickly realized something – it was far sturdier than the adult ones I usually bought, only to watch them crumple and break in a meager windstorm. No, my new Princess Umbrella was made to last.
The base of the umbrella has a pink and yellow molding of a Princess who fits comfortably in the hand. The main shaft is made of heavy-duty aluminum and the bars that snap out to support the canopy are fashioned from industrial strength, bomb-proof plastic. But the real magic is found in the tough nylon of the top. It’s painted solid pink, and each panel has a picture of the Princess chilling out with two smiling friends. You, the lucky user, are now shielded from the gnarly elements by a canopy of pure joy.
And when you snap the umbrella open for the first time, your immediate thought is “Damn, this thing is solid. This is how we used to make everything.”
Living in the Pacific Northwest I used to dread the onset of rain, but no more. When I take the Princess out for a stroll I cut through the grey gloom with my pink Weapon Of Mass Affection, and good things happen. Adults grin. Street punks stare at me and laugh. Little kids yank on their parent’s leg and point up at me with a big smile. I’ve only been verbally mocked once, by a guy drinking in a park at noon on a weekday. But that’s okay, envy does that to people. And at least once per outing someone (usually female) compliments my choice and asks about its history. We talk and laugh for a bit. The umbrella is a unifier that brings strangers together in a way that that We Are The World video could only dream of.
So, if you’re still gift-hunting for grumpy Uncle Larry or your shy cousin hoping to meet girls at college, the Princess Umbrella is your godsend solution. Tough but fashionable, it’ll never go out of style like a bad sweater or a DVD player. It’s a great gift for any man. That is, if he’s man enough to handle its awesome power.
Now this is damn good advice. I’ve searched big shops high and low for a sturdy made of Kryptonite umbrella but just couldn’t find one but that’s only because Kryptonite is a fictional material that only exists in Superman films. Ah well, I guess the Princess Umbrella will have to do until I find an Uru umbrella!
Now if they would only make that umbrella (with the same great craftsmanship) in blue and decorate it with pictures of Cary Elwes as Westley in “The Princess Bride” …
Any man would be hooked by the craftsmanship you describe!
I see you are comfortable in your masculinity. Very fun post!