Recently, some ancient parchments were discovered which made several references to the fact that Jesus was married. To a woman. This information has been very shocking to those who have long believed that Jesus hung out with twelve other guys, but was totally into chicks (though just too busy with work to settle down).
A translation of the parchment was made available last week.
Jesus – Stop ignoring my lists!
1. Finish cross
2. Redeem asshole sinners
3. Return from dead
4. Mow the dirt out back
5. Take out garbage!
6. Don’t forget to get a life insurance policy before you leave on your next business trip!
Gee, you would have thought Jesus’ ball and chain would have been a little more enlightened or at least a bit more understanding by his lack of domestic help. Then again, it can’t be easy being the wife of the savior. It’s hard to be known as the “lucky one” in that situation.